Aubade
by TJR05
Summary: Reese persuades Cater to come back for one more case that involves catching Elias. Carter and Reese team to investigate the new POI Nadia Ali, a young girl that may be connect back to Elias' past and his present undoing. Revised Edition!
1. Chapter 1

AN: My first Person of Interest fan-fiction. Revised edition.

**Summary:** Reese persuades Cater to come back for one more case that involves catching Elias. Carter and Reese team to investigate the new POI Nadia Ali, a young girl that may be connect back to Elias' past and his present undoing.

**Aubade**

_"Ask me again in 500 years  
><em>_If death on my doorstep tingled my fears  
><em>_If pleas for clean shadows had any chance at all  
><em>_If underground love got lost, lost in that fog."_

_-"Underground Love" by __and the giraffe_

**Chapter 1**

New York in late spring was magical, the sun shining the temperature warm. A cool breeze to remind you that it was still early before the scorching heat took it's place. There will be many who disagree, but to each his own thought Carter.

Carter loved it because of the air of optimism it provided, the bustle of the usually brooding city comes alive with people's moods changing to accompany the good weather. They needed more hope, They had to look forward. After all she's seen she needs to believe that there is a chance to be normal, do good, give back, and simply live for those you love. There had to be room for redemption, because she believed that people can change.

It wasn't easy to be hopeful, she'll admit that it took a lot out of her to be working homicide, but then she'd experienced worse. Dwelling on the past she realized all to quickly, did nothing but hold you back in a dark web that consumed you with regret, anger, old pains, and a completely new pain that formed from it all. The moment she decided to let go she saw hope, in her son, the possibilities in her work, life and the world.

So why on earth would she go and risk all that she worked so hard to bring to balance by joining forces with the likes of John Reese, and the laconic Mr. Finch? Because she wasn't blind, she saw the world for what it was along with the possibilities of beauty it offered. She knew all about the corruption, the bribes, the cover ups; but she also knew this has been going on for centuries. She'd be foolish to think that the forefathers of this great nation were all honest men and they built this land on the principle that it now preached and still managed to become a world power in only a short 250 years.

But she believed that there were good people in the mix, and that morality was something we all had within us some used it more than others. She didn't agree with all that her new '_associates_' did but she had to admit it was something to behold to see families reunited, someone looking at you with humble gratitude instead of the cold story you read on them when they're just lifeless bodies.

Then there was the excitement that it brought her, testing of waters if you will. She would never take things into her own hands (unless of course someone harmed her son, which she realized was a double standard.) But this particular situation allowed her to dip a toe onto the other side. She'd never admit it to anyone else, but she was a thrill seeker, there was a reason for everything she did, and she imagined that so did her two new associates.

It wasn't that she didn't trust John, it was more the precaution with which she lived her life after the army, after all the disappoints and betrayals (however small they may be, were still betrayals) of life she learned to depend on herself and herself only. She was a diligent worker, but she knew better than to believe all the bullshit that got sent her way by her superiors. She trusted her 'Man in the Suit' more than anyone she has in a very long time.

She was indebted to him after all for saving her life. She owed him for almost costing his. She wasn't sure of anything just yet, she wasn't this curiously lost since her teenage years. And who didn't like seeing an ex CIA operative come out of a burning car trunk with humor to spare? One thing Jocelyn wasn't and that was naïve, one day the chase will be on again for John, but for now she was willing to work with him, rather than against. The greater good out weighing the need to put him behind bars for the chaos that he cause.

Or so she thought until a good cop got shot. She was all too aware of the look on his face when she said she couldn't do it anymore, and in that moment she meant it, she still meant it, meeting today only because she was interested in catching Elias. Or at least that's what she told herself, she wasn't sure she believed it.

When John called her, she was apprehensive about whether or not she should even meet him, but finding Elias was important to her especially after all that man put her through. He'd taken a shot at her, tried to rile her up, almost had her taken out. She wasn't lying to Fusco when she told him that Szymanski had asked her out, they had in the past had some flirtations but it wasn't until they started planning the take down of Elias that they really connected. She wasn't in love with the guy or anything, but she did like him, respect him, he was good at his job and apparently one of he few still left on the clean side. She felt partially responsible for him being in the hospital with a gun shot to the gut, the fact that he survived the surgery after losing all that blood was a miracle. It seems like she's been doing that a lot, getting _good_ men shot.

To add to the things haunting her on a daily basis, she now had her superiors asking for answers about the shooting. No turning back were the words John used when he initiated her, and how true were those words now. There was no news of Moretti, no body, and even if there was one it could have been neatly tucked away without the police ever getting wind of it. The more likely scenario being that he was probably being kept a prisoner and tortured by his own son. What has the world come to?

Sighing, she pushed her aviators down over her eyes as she breathed in the sea breeze and felt the sun kiss her skin, pouring her thoughts into the air. They arranged a meeting down in south street seaport. She was surprised by the anticipation she felt in the pit of her stomach, it's been a long time since she felt dread and nervousness. Facing the water she left her mind to drift some more, unaware of him standing behind her.

He watched her for a long couple of minutes, it had been a few weeks since the day Moretti was kidnapped because of him, and Szymanski was shot. A long three weeks since the way she asked him to leave, since she said she couldn't do it anymore. He saw the fear behind her eyes for the man on the ground and it was at that moment he realized there is was more between them. He couldn't explain the feeling he felt at that moment, those 20 seconds were really paralyzing and he hadn't felt that helpless in a long time. He let her down, he in many words betrayed her.

When the new number came and after Finch's usual digging they found that this number might be connected to Elias, he felt like he finally had a reason for contacting her, for coming out of the shadows to explain himself. He'd watched her visit Szymanski at the hospital every day religiously, the worry and guilt plastered on her face every time. There was that feeling in his gut every time.

"Detective, bliss suits you."

He always had a way of saying things that made her roll her eyes, smile, and contemplate. His voice was so smooth and it was curious how he could make that smoothness both warm and cold. She turned her body just so towards his direction, lips curving only slightly into a smile.

"If only," She stated flatly, she wasn't angry at him, just disappointed in the events that led to this, she can't say she was surprised. Hell he even warned her about it. Maybe she just didn't want to see it. "John."

"Joss, I'm sorry," he stated hand digging into the pocket of his pants. "I did what I had to save Leila."

This was the second time he called her name. The other was when he saved her life, told her even if she didn't like him he'd be there for her, that she wasn't alone-she liked him from the time she saw him take care of those punks on the subway footage.

"I know, but there are consequences to everything," she sighed again folding her hand together over the railing. "the law is there for a reason."

He didn't always agree with her views on the law, but he suspected she didn't believe it a hundred percent of it herself. "There was nothing the police could have done to save her, I'm sorry for what happened but I did what I thought had to be done."

"I know." She just wished he'd trusted her to tell her what he was doing.

They stood in silence, she knew he was sorry, that he felt like he betrayed her, and she felt that he had as well, but then she reasoned that she would have done the same in his position. The greater good.

"Joss, I will fix this," he stated. "But I need your help."

She turned to him then, "What do you need from me?"

He turned his face away from her watching a ship pass in the distance, a smile curved on his lips. If only she knew the implications of that question, if only he could tease her about it like before. But he was back to business. "I need you to look up a cold case file that might be related to our new person of interest." Handing her the piece of paper with the name.

"Mark Smith, Nadia Ali?" She read, but it was a question for more information.

He smiled fully now, ever observant, ever curious, _his_ Detective. He felt guilty sometimes for keeping contact, for pulling her back into a world that he can only imagine she tried very hard to put behind her. The politics of the army were brutal as he remembered it, and the politics in the NYPD just as bad, maybe even more so with corruption that seem to run havoc, they needed more people like her who walked in the light. But he liked her company (whenever they met), her input, her position in the legal system.

He did take some comfort in that he will always be there to protect her. He will try his hardest at least to keep her safe, after all he was human, and all too aware of the fact for various reasons. It's been a long time since he felt purpose, that he interacted with others beyond the basic necessities, and now he had Finch, Carter, and even Fusco was something.

Watching her enjoying the sun just minutes earlier reminded him of a time in his life when seeing that look on a woman's face made his heart swell. Jessica was a permanent scar on his soul, what happened to her was his fault, and he would never get over it. It has been a long time since he felt this much need to protect someone, as he felt with Carter, and along with that he felt himself let Jessica go a little everyday. She had once told him that the shadows we keep around ourselves can only over take us if we let them, an answer to his question of how she managed with the death that surrounded her. He was more than aware of her capabilities, but even then he had thoughts and dreams haunt him. He worried about her.

He realized the moment he had arrived at the safe house where Moretti was being kept that he had fucked up royally. He still couldn't get the look she gave him out of his head, the way her lips trembled and panic took over her whole body. Saying he was sorry wasn't enough and asking her to come back wasn't fair, but then he had warned her that there was no turning back. He felt guilt for taking the normal life she built for her son and herself and pushing her into the dark deep end of things. But he _needed_ her.

He wanted to be normal so badly, he had wanted that with Jessica. Leila brought back thoughts of when he and Jessica talked about the possibilities, about children, about family and home. He accepted that his life will be nothing more than what it is now. He reminded himself that just months ago he was living in the streets scraping up enough for cheap gin, life was good compared to that. Turning to the woman beside him, he filled her in on their newest number.

"Nadia Ali, 25 years old, her parents are immigrants from India, she's a bright girl attending Columbia medical. But she does have some indiscretions from the past. She used to work under a Madame in an escort service involved in a murder. Her clients included Manhattan's elite and not so elite. Her name came up on the witness list in the murder of wall street high baller, Mark Smith. But there wasn't enough evidence to solve the case. But right after that she left the escort service."

Carter looked out into the water again, "At least she got out."

John thought that for a second the look on her face was a brush on what they were really doing. He had been an metaphorical escort for the better part of his life, though it was never about the money for him. "You never really get out from those kinds of arrangements." As he found out later from his experience with the CIA, but even if you managed to get out to live, the scars it leaves were a whole didn't thing.

"What do they have to do with Elias?" She didn't touch his last statement, because she knew he was right.

"Apparently Nadia was a student of Elias back when he was teaching english, as Charlie Burton."

"That's not a very solid connection." She sighed.

"She's been in the business, and can probably assist us in some way."

"It's a long shot, but even a small crack is something." Carter pursed her lips and gave a short nod, "I'll look into it and get back to you. Try to enjoy the weather John, it's a shame to waste a day like this hiding in the shadows."

"Will do detective," He said as he leaned further into the railing to watch her leave, watching the navy silk shirt she wore dance around her in the light breeze, pushing and pulling against her small form, the glint of her badge around her neck catching his eyes. Carter was shorter than Jessica. Jessica was slender and all legs, but she was a different kind of woman from Carter. Her hair blowing onto her face she gave one last nod his way before she walked away.

He found himself watching her more and more, he was like an older brother type looking out for her, but when he found himself comparing Jessica to Carter it occurred to him that brother types didn't do that. Older brother types didn't dream of their pseudo sisters, didn't wonder about the soft glowing skin they came wrapped in. He turned towards the water and closed his eyes to take a moment. He was slipping into that dangerous ground where he wanted to be normal, and he was pulling the wrong _person_ into his unsafe fantasy.

She turned again and saw him taker her advice, smiling she walked on. There was just too much mystery for her to solve, too much intrigue in John and what he did. She scolder herself for a second for her actions and the consequences, but the curiosity won over. This was risky what she was delving into, but she couldn't help herself which was even more unnerving for her. But if it got her Elias then she was in is what she told herself, but there was this voice that said something else, or rather a name.

_John_.

**TBC**

Please review, critique, and suggest! Thank you for reading! Also if anyone would like to offer their beta reading services I'd appreciate it!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you for all the encouraging reviews. I do feel confident about which direction I want to take this story, and there will be some drama, but as promised before I will try my best to keep it in tune with the characters on the show, but I have a long story involving all the main characters and my character Nadia. Also I'm writing this in continuation from chapter to chapter, in the episodes things happen a lot faster or days go by in minutes, but I feel it's important that I have a steady time pattern (but that could be cause I don't know how to write things in a shorter way), I will jump time but I'll make it clear when that happens. And as stated before it will be a very slow build up to Carter and John. Not much Carter in this chapter.

I'm all about details, Thomas Hardy wrote almost 6 pages describing a meadow, but after I could picture it in my mind clearly. Now I'm no Thomas Hardy (far from it) but I do think details are important, which is why I take a long winded road into describing everything, I hope you can appreciate and bear with me. It's been four years since I've been home to New York, I had left with the intention of traveling for six months which became two years and now I've been living in Sweden for the past two years, so when I write about places the characters might go, I'm writing about the places I've been to, whether they exist now is beyond my knowledge, so I apologize for any inconsistencies.

Thank you to ForestLark for pointing out some mistakes in chapter 1, they have been fixed! :)

_Counting all different ideas drifting away  
><em>_Past and present they don't matter  
><em>_Now the future's sorted out  
><em>_Watch her moving in elliptical patterns  
><em>_Think it's not what you say  
><em>_What you say is way too complicated  
><em>_For a minute thought I couldn't tell how to fall out_

–_1901 by Phoenix_

II

Chapter 2

"_You're a coward._" He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. Jessica's words haunted him constantly. But Stanton was right, she wouldn't have understood, she would try to and comfort him, ease his guilt but she wouldn't understand the darkness. Jessica was light hearted she smiled all the time, and everything was easy for her. It was her ease that he fell in love with in the first place. He wasn't trying to be coward, no he was trying to keep her safe, he was trying to let her have a normal happy light filled life with a husband, and children. That day at the airport he died just a little bit more, the look of desire in her eyes calling him. He dreamt of her often, sometimes it was the time they spent together, other times it was the feeling he swallowed while he was working, but most of the time just nightmares of how she might have died, the guilt and pain paralyzing him even in sleep. When he closed his eyes he could see only the face she'd given him when he walked away from her, but how could he ask her to wait for him, when he didn't know if he'd be coming back. Back then he had lived for her, he survived with the illusion of maybe sharing that normal life with her.

He got out of bed and walked over to the window. He suddenly wondered what Carter was doing, probably sleeping he thought glancing at the clock which read 3:43. Carter she would understand, she had shadows of her own, somedays he could see the weight of it all crushing her and it amazed him when the next day she was smiling, walking her son to school, helping anyone she could, she managed to have both world. But she would understand the dark days and appreciate the light. These thoughts of Carter were strange for him. He'd thought of the detective in passing in the past. She was a good woman, he wanted to make sure she was safe, look out for her, but since they've started to assist each other, being around her he found himself wanting to intrude into her life. He wanted to just have breakfast with her without having an excuse of work. He sighed rubbing his jaw, he was crossing a line in his mind and this was becoming more and more dangerous for him. His mind was running in circles, the same thoughts and the same reasons, but lurking deep in the corners were desires. Back then he lived for Jessica, but now who did he have to live for? But then life went on after Jessica and here he was living to a sense. Making his way to the bathroom to get ready, it was almost time to surveillance Nadia again.

Nadia Ali, she was a slender girl standing about five feet five inches, mahogany hair, bright green eyes, glowing caramel skin. She was definitely a beautiful girl. He watched as she sat on the park bench and focused on her book. He'd been tailing her for three days now and so far she seemed as clean as any person who might have made some stupid mistakes in the past and no threats to her life. He had broke into her apartment placing camera to have better eyes on her. She Woke up at 5:30 in the morning, studied, went to class, studied, had lunch, class, and then in the library until 6 studying. She was dedicated, worked at an internship at a clinic two nights a week, had a part time job as a pastry chef in a restaurant downtown, and a weekend job in a coffee shop. She was a busy girl, not many friends, but friendly to those she encountered. Hard to believe someone like her was once entertaining men for money, she seemed too smart for it. But then everyone had their reason for doing what they did, most of the time. Just when he was thinking there was something wrong with the machine giving them her number, he watched her come out of her apartment in Washington Heights in a black cocktail dress with heels to match, she pulled out her phone.

"Nadia here, where am I meeting him?" she asked squeezing her red painted lips together.

"6th street, between 1st and Ave. A. The place is called Death & Co. He'll be waiting at the bar." after a beat. "Take good care of him, he's an important client."

"You got it." she finished as she hailed a cab.

John moved behind the cab, "Mr. Reese, it seems Miss. Ali is still connected to the world of escort."

"Seems like it Finch, have you found anything more?" he asked as he pulled up behind the cab was in.

"Well, Detective Carter called, it seems that Miss. Ali had no real connection with Mr. Smith, she wasn't one of the girls involved with him. It seems the Madame, Jolie Anderson, she worked for kept very strict eye on the girls, and records of who went with who. Nadia was only asked to be a witness due to her having found his body in the apartment from which the Madame operated out of. But all references to her name was to be kept out of court, but the case never made it to court due to insufficient evidence." Finch informed him. "I can't figure out if she is the one that's in danger or the culprit. I did track her financials, she deposits eight hundred dollars every month into an account, I'm tracking that now." after a beat Finch continued. "I've visited her family they live in yonkers. Nice family, her mother obviously runs the house, and her father says very little, very mild mannered. They were very closed lipped about her but they've informed me that they've not had contact with her since she moved out when she turned eighteen. According to her younger sister who was showing me out, it had something to do with being forced into a possible arranged marriage."

"I don't know Finch, so far nothings happened, no unusual behavior, no questionable characters lurking around, though this could be the break." stated John.

"Maybe so Mr. Reese." he could hear Finch typing away, then a pause. "The money is going to her father's bank account."

"So, she doesn't keep contact but sends money home?" asked John, "Maybe you can persuade her sister to give us a little more information, about what happened at home."

"Do you think it is related?" asked Finch.

"Anything is possible, but so far she seems pretty clear cut to me, and usually they're the ones with the secrets."

"Do you think it was a good idea to pull the detective back even though she wanted out?"

John didn't know how to answer that really, "She knew what she was getting into when she agreed to get involved." That being half truth of what he really thought, and felt. "We need her help."

"Of course Mr. Reese." he said, "I'm surprised she agreed to help us so quickly."

"She wants Elias." said John.

"Wanting something so badly can have bad outcomes." stated Finch.

"Maybe."

"Well keep me informed on Miss. Ali." With that he was gone.

John didn't know what Finch thought about Carter, but he could tell that he also appreciated what she was able to achieve from her position within the system. He let out a long breath, why couldn't things just be simple he wondered. Oh right because he was backed by a billionaire with a mission to save people no matter at what cost, and he was an running from the CIA. This was normal for him.

The bar was located towards the center of the street block, with no other real business around, a dunken doughnuts being it's rival on 1st Ave. and another restaurant at the corner of Ave. A. The bar being the only real elegance to the street. The bar front featured large mahogany wood panels, and the same for the door. He walked in and took a seat at the corner of the bar, it was a very dark, the candles and the chandeliers giving a dim glow around the black velvet that surrounded the establishment.

"Hi what can I get you?" asked the attractive bartender, her darkly lined eyes flirting all on their own, he watched as she deliberately ignored some of the other patrons at the bar. John smiled and order a Compass Box, might as well get a drink while he had her attention.

He watched as Nadia walked in, her eyes landed on him briefly before a man in his mid thirties approached her. They took a seat quite close to him, her date looked like a lawyer, they had an air about that made them stand out. He wasn't particularly good looking, but did have broad shoulders and head full of hair.

"What do you want to drink?" He asked Nadia, she declined a drink for club soda explaining it was too early for her get started. The conversation was all small talk with her acting interested in the things he was saying, after all that was her job to give companionship and pretend to give a shit about his life, his job, his boss. John listened to their chatter, he could see in Nadia's eyes that she felt similar to him in that he was bored, her eyes wondered over to him a few times when her companion was distracted. He gave her a small smile as he raised the glass to his lips. When he left her to go to the bathroom, Nadia sighed a breath of relief.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but your date is an extremely boring man." he stated.

"Tell me about it..." she mumbled, "Sorry you had to be to exposed to that as well." She turned her head to look at him this time, "Are you waiting for someone?"

John shrugged, "Not really, just enjoying a drink."

She laughed, "what does it say when you come to a place like this to enjoy a drink, that you either are a pretentious hipster or someone whose looking to blend into the shadows. So which one are you?"

He smiled, "I'd be the latter I guess. If your opinion of this place is so low, why come here?"

She shook her head, "it's not, they have good food, an impressive list of syrupy drinks and the ambiance, but that usually draw a lot of hipsters and the whole exclusivity of being able to get in is another reason I find it just a tad overrated. Oh and the service could use a boost up."

"I take it you've been here before?" he asked.

"I've frequented this bar since they've opened back in '07. But I prefer less pretentious air around me." she said with a smile and roll of her eyes.

Her companion returned and eyed John, "hey is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just telling...um I didn't get your name?" she asked.

"It's John." he simply said setting his drink down.

"John, about the variety of girly drinks he can try here." she said as she slowly put her hand on her date's chest.

He seemed to buy it and turned towards John making sure to place his hand possessively around Nadia first. "Hi I'm Peter O'hara."

John took his hand and shook it firmly looking him in the eye, the other man shrunk back just a little, he had that effect on people.

"My only complain about this place, is the lack of vodka." he said as he looked down at Nadia and then back at John. "I am a vodka man, but occasionally I like the spiciness of whiskey being a southern irish boy."

Nadia pulled out of his grip and excused herself to the ladies room. Peter looked after her and smiled, "She's a hot piece of ass isn't she?"

John raised a bored eye brow and gave his head a nod. "She is very attractive."

"I didn't expect her to be so damn hot though." he said laughing.

"So this is your first meeting?"

Peter looked startled then he smiled, "a friend set us up."

"Lucky you."

Peter smiled cockily, John imagined that was the reason why he had to go to an escort service in the first place, women didn't particularly like this kind of men anymore. "Yeah, and I plan to get luckier!" he said as he motioned the bartender for another drink for himself and Nadia.

John looked at the bartender and smiled, from the corner of his eyes he saw Peter slip something in Nadia's drink. So that's how he planned on getting lucky. He hated people who took advantage of others but it just pissed him off when a weak pathetic man felt powerful by forcing himself on a woman in whatever form.

"Hey what did I miss?" asked Nadia walking back from the bathroom, where John suspected she just wanted to escape from her date.

"Oh Peter was just filling me in on how you two met." said John. Nadia looked nervous suddenly. "that his friend set you up."

"Oh, yeah." she said with a nervous laugh. Peter turned to her and handed her the new glass.

"Thought you could use a drink." he said with a smile.

She smiled at him, "thanks, but I think I'm going to just have another club soda, I'm a horrible drunk so I don't drink too much."

Peter's eyes hardened but he smiled on "it's rude to turn down a drink, come on just one won't hurt."

Nadia shook her head lightly, "really I much rather be aware of everything that's happening," she whispered softly to him.

John watched Pete's hand unclench from the fist and he laughed, "alright it's your call." he drank his shot and grabbed her possessively, "how about we get out of here?"

Nadia smiled angling her face away from him just a bit. "Sure," she pulled out of his embrace and grabbed her jacket turning to John with a smile, "it was nice meeting you John."

He raised his glass to them as they exited. He waited about two minutes before he following after them. "Mr. Reese, I've been doing some digging and it seems that Peter O'hara moved here about six months ago from South Carolina. He specifically asked to transferred here." He could hear Finch typing in the background, "Before 2006 he went by Peter Smith, Oh my, it seems that murder victim Mark Smith was his younger brother."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Nadia is not the culprit but the one in danger, he tried to drug her earlier but the girl's smart, she doesn't drink anything that she can't keep an eye on." said John looking at the GPS signal, he followed the couple for five blocks before they went into an apartment building.

"Peter Smith must think that his brother's death was her fault and that she used her high powered client connections to get out of it." stated Finch. "He rented a sublet apartment for the weekend on 10th St, between 1st Ave. and Ave. A, building number 1246 apartment 6. It's a good thing people are keeping records of rental contracts these days."

John broke into the apartment the apartment building and soon climbed the steps to the third floor. He heard Nadia yelp. Getting close to the apartment door, he pulled his gun out. Things turned sour a lot faster than he expected it to.

He slapped her hard and she fell back, "You stupid whore! Not so powerful now are you?"

She recovered quickly standing on her feet, pushing him, "What's wrong with you ass hole!"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you that you have to sell yourself?" he grabbed her by the hair and pushed her down, straddling her, "how did a slut like you get away with killing my brother?"

She managed to free a leg and jab her knee into his gut, when he fell over in pain she tried to crawl away but grabbed her ankle and then she heard what sound all too much like a gun clicking. She prayed then, for the first time in years against all her beliefs she prayed promising to leave this life, to be better if only she could live to do so. And at that very moment John kicked down the door with the gun pointed at them.

She kneeled wide eyed as he held the gun to her head. The tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes. "Stay back or I will blow this bitch's brains out. She deserves this for what she did to my brother!"

"Peter I'm going to ask again, put the gun down, she had nothing to do with your brother's killing."

"She's a dirty whore! She deserves this!"

Just then a shot was fired and a bullet flew through the window and went right through Peter's head, he fell forward on top of Nadia who was scrambling to get away. John rushed towards the side of the window to take a look before pushing Peter's body of Nadia and pulling her onto her feet as they made their way to the door.

"Mr. Reese, I've contacted detective Carter, she's on her way to make the arrest. Is Miss. Ali alright?"

"Peter's dead Finch, someone else wanted him dead. I've got Nadia she's alright for now, a little shaken up, I'm taking her to a safe house now." looking at the trembling girl next to him, she clung to him in shock, the side of her face and shoulder covered in blood. "It's okay Nadia, I'm going to keep you safe." For now he thought as he got her into his car. This was much bigger than a guy getting revenge.

TBC

Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Again thank you for all the positive reviews, believe it or not they totally motive a writer to keep writing, and who doesn't like an ego boost from time to time? So please keep'um comin'. I realize that I have some spelling and grammar issues, which I honestly try to catch, but I seem to miss some anyway, for that I apologize. Now I've pretty much have the next four chapters typed up, so if you guys keep reviewing, I'll keep posting! Yay!

By the way just incase you were wondering Aubade is a morning love song about lovers separating at dawn.

Happy St. Patrick's Day all my lovely readers, hope you are enjoying the day to get drunk as I am by getting slightly tipsy.

_And now all your love is wasted  
><em>_Then who the hell was I?  
><em>_'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches  
><em>_And at the end of all your lines_

_-Skinny Love by Bon Iver_

II

Chapter 3

He had taken her back to his apartment that Finch so generously bought for him, he had to admit that it was very convenient to have Ernie looking out for him. Nadia stood awkwardly by the door, one arm cradling the other. "Are you alright?"

She snapped to meet his gaze, he could see the shock, fear, anger, and sadness all there. "I'm fine, just gonna be a little sore tomorrow." she said softly walking further into the apartment. "Nice place."

"Thanks, make yourself comfortable." he said.

She observed her surroundings, "can I use your bathroom, would really like to wipe the rest of this off." she pointed at the smeared blood on her neck and shoulder. He simply pointed to the direction of the bathroom, and told her she'd find some towels on the counter. She nodded and disappeared.

"Mr. Reese?"

"Yeah Finch."

"Where are you now?"

"Back in the apartment." he simply said, he knew that Finch wouldn't advise bringing people back to his place, but he didn't think that Nadia would be too much trouble to control.

"I see, well Detective Carter is not very happy with the current situation. I imagine it will take her some time to get to you."

"That's fine, she's in shock right now, so it might be a while before we find something out anyway."

"What do you make of this situation?"

John took a breath, "I don't think that this is about revenge, and it wasn't a hit on Peter. I think someone is keeping an eye on Nadia other than us, and they are possibly making sure anyone wanting to harm meets a cold death."

"What has Miss. Ali gotten herself involved in?" asked Finch.

"I don't think she had any idea about this, from what I can tell she's just as surprised by it all. There is something bigger going on here."

"So it would seem, I will try to dig up some more things on Peter and Miss. Ali. I'll be here, if you need anything." With that the line went silent.

He walked to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee, he didn't know why he was doing it, but he knew that Nadia had a particular fondness for the beverage and thought it might bring her back to normal. He heard her coming out of the bathroom ten minutes later, eyes just a little bit puffy and makeup slightly smudged. She slowly walked over to the couch, took her shoes off and sat down. She looked too fragile then, he'd seen many women look like her after they've come close to death and it made him wonder about Jessica, what she must have thought or felt. He took a certain comfort in knowing that he was there when Carter almost died, that at least he saw her face, even if it was riddled with confusion, betrayal, remorse, and maybe even self loathing for ending up in a situation like that. He could read that self loathing on Nadia now, he'd tell her later what a waste it was and that self loathing took more than it gave. He lived with it everyday.

John handed Nadia a cup of coffee, she took it and looked up at him. "Thanks." she simply whispered. "So am I your prisoner now?"

"You're not a prisoner, I'm trying to save your life." He stated as he looked out the window of the safe house.

She chuckled lightly, "Aren't you just the regular superhero." he turned towards her and watched her push her wavy hair over one shoulder and look up at him, the steam from the cup surrounding her face softly, her hand shook ever so slightly, but he noticed. "How do I know you aren't trying to kill me as well?"

John smiled, "Cause then you'd be dead already."

She smiled and nodded, "I suppose so." taking a sip from the cup she looked down at it. "this is how I take my coffee, how did you know that?"

John shrugged, "I was keeping an eye on you."

"Stalking me, you mean." Then she laughed, "But that's just semantics." he watched as she drank her coffee. "So it was no coincidence that you were at the bar tonight, you did look a little out of place there, your brooding way are too genuine to have been that of a hipster."

It was good that she was finding humor in the situation, that means she had accepted what was happening, what was going to happen next was a whole different thing. "You're a bright girl, why would you get involved in something like this?" he asked honestly curious.

She looked at him and pressed her lips together. "Well I'm one of five kids, my dad worked nights in a shit job getting shit pay, too quiet and good minded for his own good, but never let us go homeless or hungry, on the contrary, no one would believe that we were the kids of a shop keeper that made less than 700 a week to provide for 7 people." she paused looking down at her shoes. "It wasn't possible for him to pay for all of us, to take care of us all, so when I turned 18 I decided to move out and get a job, but I had very little skills and craigslist directed me to the glamours world of sensual massages."

John nodded, "the gateway job."

She nodded, "the first time I did it, I went home and cried in the shower for an hour, I was desperate and needed money and the girls made it sound good. One thing led to another and I was making a grand a night, enough money to pay for college, for med-school, take care of my family. Eventually thinking about my dad and my family and the need to succeed I jumped head in." She laughed, "you can judge me for what I do, but there is a lot of reason why I ended up here."

"I'm not someone who can judge anyone." he stated. looking back out the window. "I understand your reasoning."

"Do you really?" she asked looking at him, when his eyes softened, she smiled, "I suppose you might."

"Why don't you talk to your parents?" he asked.

She wasn't surprised anymore by his knowledge of her, he had admitted to stalking her, she shrugged. "We didn't see eye to eye about a lot of things. I was always too independent and stubborn for my mom's taste." she paused to take some more sips, "she wanted me to get married, I refused, things got out of hand and so I did the only thing I thought would preserve my independence. I left."

"Why send money home then?"

"Because I'm not ungrateful for all that my dad has done, and even my mom. She may have been a hard woman to live with, but she was kind and caring, it was just different. She listened to people too much and she's afraid of everything. But then I suppose she was the way she was because of the way she grew up. She never understood why I wasn't like her. But I think I wasn't like her because I saw the fear in her eyes all the time. The power she had over me and my sisters and even my dad was all about her fear, she's paranoid, and just unstable." she sighed, "I'm not trying to make her sound horrible, because she wasn't, isn't. Just confused. I didn't want to seem ungrateful. My dad had a lot of his plate, so I had to make it better for him, give me something of a hope."

John found himself liking her more and more, she had virtues, she wasn't just another stupid girl out to use her look to buy designer bags and manipulate men. "that's kind of you."

She snorted, "hardly, I know what I did to their social standing in the Indian community, they're all looking down at them for having an uncontrollable child." she scrapped at her bottom lip. "I know I've hurt my sisters by abandoning them, but in this case I had to choose me."

"That's understandable."

"I don't know if my guilt understands it." she didn't know why she opened up to him, but at this point she realized that she could have been dead if John wanted to kill her and after years of being in the service, she knew how to read people pretty well, he didn't seem like the kind that would take advantage of her, but then she didn't really know anything, and was horrible in making some decisions about her life, point proven here.

"Don't blame yourself, you couldn't have known." he said watching the different emotions fly across her eyes. "It won't help."

She didn't look at him, her eyes were on her feet as she rubbed them together. "I didn't kill his brother." she said softly. "I'm not a murderer. And I'm far from a whore. Most of the time I didn't sleep with those men." she put the cup on the table and looked at him. "I don't drink on 'dates' I let them drink and usually they just pass out by the time we make it back to the hotel, and I simply take my clothes off and wait."

He could tell that she was telling the truth. "that's pretty clever of you."

She shrugged, "not really that hard when the men that take you out are idiots. I'm not saying I'm innocent, or that I loved the job, because I don't I hated every minute of it, but I did what I had to do."

He knew that feeling all to all. The knock on the door startled her to the point where she jumped off the couch on to her feet, turning towards John, watching him pull his gun out and motioning for her to hide. He walked towards the door and looked through the peep hole to see it was Carter. Bring the gun down to his side, he opened the door and let her pass. "Detective."

"John." she said as we walked further in to the apartment, "Where is Nadia?"

"Do I know you?" asked Nadia stepping out from the shadows. Carter looked her up and down, the girl was gorgeous and still dressed in her bloody cocktail dress.

"I'm detective Carter, I'm here to help you. Find out a little more about what happened tonight to your friend," she said as she looked at her, a small smile on her lips. "You don't have to be afraid of me."

"A cop assisting your vigilante work wow John I'm more and more impressed with you by the minute. Thank you detective." Nadia said as she sat back down. "he wasn't my friend, he tried to rape and kill me."

Carter was half annoyed and half amused, the girl had balls, she liked that. What she didn't like was the implications and how easily she chatted with John. "Well sometimes we have to step just a bit out of the system to find the bigger picture. And I'm sorry for the implication, I was under the impression that the two of you were seeing each other."

"I feel like I'm in an issue of batman." she mumbled.

John smiled and looked to Carter, "I guess that would make you commissioner Gordon, detective."

Carter rolled her eyes at him. "So if he wasn't a friend then who was he?"

"I'm an escort" stated Nadia, "or I was, I made a deal with a god who I don't believe exists that if I made it out alive I'd never do this again. I realize how fickle that seems." she continued with almost exhausted eyes. "he was fine all night then we went back to his place and suddenly he goes crazy, talking weird, then he mentioned Mark Smith (I haven't been able to get that name out of my head for two years now) that was his brother, he slapped me, and was about to do whatever horrible shit he had in mind when John came to my rescue."

Carter nodded, "according to CSU the shot was fired from the building across from the aprtment you were in, we check it out and someone broke into the top apartment with a nice view. So who ever it was knew that he was taking you there or followed you. Now I don't think Peter had backup and this job was done way to professionally for it to be just some revenge plot, at least not Peter's Smith's revenge plot, the guy sounded rash and sloppy from what I've gathered about him." Both John and Nadia bobbed their heads in agreement. "Which makes me think that this was about keeping you safe and him quiet."

Nadia just stared at her with a blankness, "I can't imagine why anyone would want to make sure I don't get killed," she looked at John, "most people don't count on someone like you to sweep in and save them." then her eyes were back on Carter "how lucky am I, I got two guys running around with guns trying to keep me safe, just haven't figured out the angle of it all yet."

Carter looked at John then at Nadia again a silent conversation happened between the two. "Alright Nadia who would want to hurt you? Have you received any threats?"

Nadia sighed, "Well other than the threat that was the guy whose blood I'm now cover in, I can't really think of anyone, I never get too involved with any of my clients or the other girls. Ever since the murder, I've made it clear to my current employer that I get calls about work, I don't go into HQ." she sighed, "I tried to be careful, I don't drink anything that I didn't order myself being made in front of me, or comes from a sealed bottle, but I guess I wasn't carful enough."

Carter felt bad for her, she really did. She understood what it was like when she first got back from Iraq being a single mom and having to scrounge to pay for law school and put dinner on the table. She seemed judgement to a lot of her colleagues but she really didn't think she had a place to judge because of the things that happened in her life. But Nadia was young and if she stuck to her word of not getting involved with being an escort and didn't have anything to do with what was going on now, there was chance she'd got out of it all and still make it. Snapping back to business she asked, "What can you tell us about a man named Carl Elias?"

Nadia drew a blank, "Nothing, haven't heard of him before."

"None of your clients talked about him?" asked Carter. "even in passing?"

Nadia shook her head, "no, but then I don't really pay that much attention, I retain a few tidbits to get me through the night. These men aren't exactly interesting, and I think with all the cop shows out there now to inform criminals of what not to do, they don't talk about the illegal aspects of their job."

Carter sighed and looked to John. "What about Charlie Burton, have you heard of him?" asked John.

Nadia's eyes perked up, "Mr. Burton as in my old high school english teacher?"

"Yeah that would be him, what do you know about him?" asked John. The mention of Charlie Burton pissed him off, it was because of him that people were dropping like files. He didn't take comfort in the fact that he didn't know that Charlie was actually Elias.

Nadia smiled, "He is a good man, looked out for me all the time, it's because of him I did a double major in English literature. He was nothing but kind to me. Told me to be strong." Nadia smiled at the floor, "It feels like Charlie's still looking out for me when we talk."

John and Carter both looked at each other. "You still talk to him?"

Nadia looked at them and nodded, "Yeah we meet maybe twice a month for coffee or dinner. Keeping tabs on what's happening with us."

"What do you know about what he's doing these days? When are you meeting him next?" Carter asked her eyes full of fury, she doubted from what Nadia was telling her that Elias told the girl of what was really going on with him.

Nadia backed into the couch a little as she looked at Carter's almost aggressive stare. "Why? What does he have to do with anything? I mean I thought someone was trying to kill me was the reason you guys brought me here."

John looked at her and spoke calmly as ever, "We're trying to make connections, that's all. When are you seeing him again?"

"Charlie quit his job, he said he going into business and was working on something big, that he was tired of the politics and pulling tooth in the Board of Education. He didn't get into too much details, told me he would let me know when it was all done. I'm supposed to meet him next weekend, He invited me to the opera." she said. "L'Elisir d'Amore, It's the last show of the season, with a closing production party." she said as stood up. "I don't get why he would be someone who wants to hurt me."

"Well it could be someone whose trying to get to him that's trying to hurt you." stated John.

Nadia laughed, "Who would want to hurt him, the guy wouldn't hurt a fly."

Carter and John exchanged the look, telling her who he really was wasn't in their best interest. The less she knew the more she could find out for them. They nodded to each other. It was becoming very clear that Nadia had no idea what she was involved in and was another victim of Elias. They just couldn't figure out the angle.

John spoke first. "Alright Nadia, I need you to listen to me. You know that I don't want to hurt you, but there is someone out there who does and might even hurt those you know and love. So you have to do as we say if you want the killer to caught."

She stared them down, "I realize that I'm of value to you, and I'm fine with being followed around John, but I don't want to be lied to."

The three shared a similar feeling on that subject and Carter nodded, "Alright, we won't lie to you, there maybe things we can't tell you for your own safety but once everything is done I promise to tell you everything, I promise to keep you safe. But we need your full cooperation and sometimes that means doing things without asking questions. We need to know everything about Charlie Burton to start with."

Nadia thought about for a second. "Well I know that Charlie is harmless, but if it will end this nightmarish chapter of my life then alright you have my word. I'll help in anyway I can."

"Good." said John.

Carter handed her the card with her information. "You have my number there, just incase you need me or can't reach John." Nadia nodded, she looked worn out at that point. "You should get some rest and we'll talk soon."

John walked Carter out of the building, for now they knew that Nadia was safe. They were met outside by Finch. Cater sighed, "She doesn't know anything, I don't think she did anything wrong, I mean other than the whole escort thing."

"She doesn't sleep with them." John simply stated in a defense against Nadia. Carter raised an eyebrow, she didn't even want to know how he knew that information. "But she is the closets thing we have to getting to Elias, if they're friends then we could use that."

Finch nodded, "I see, and do we know when Miss. Ali and Elias will be meeting again?"

"Yeah the Opera next Friday night." stated John.

Finch looked at Carter and John. "I am a member of the Metropolitan Opera House, I get box seats all the time, I can arrange for tickets."

John looked at Finch with a raised eyebrow. "Tickets?"

"Well yes, to the opera, if we're to track Miss. Ali's meeting with Elias, then we must go." he simply stated.

Carter chuckled, "You boys have fun."

"Why detective you're not coming? I would think seeing Elias and possibly catching him is what you've been pining after." Finch state in a matter of fact fashion. John was surprised as she was considering that Finch preferred to keep their 'assets' interaction to a minimum. "Besides we could use the back up."

"So we're all going to the Opera?" asked Carter. John smiled and looked around, Finch simply looked at Carter and Carter looked annoyed. "Alright, guess I'm going to the Opera."

"Alright Mr. Reese, I'm assuming that you're going to stay here with Miss. Ali." asked Finch.

Carter's eyes went to John who nodded, "I'm gonna keep watch, and take her back to her place in the morning to make sure it's safe, Elias can't know that we knew of their connection. Don't know what he might do to her."

Carter stuck her hands into her jacket pocket and nodded at the two men, "Alright I'll be in touch." and with that she walked away not knowing why it was bothering her that John was going to spend the night with a beautiful young girl, who he clearly had a fondness for already. She was already regretting coming back to this.

TBC

Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Finally gonna give all you Reese/Carter fans something to help you make it through the next few chapters. Nothing major, a taste. And I picked the opera because this after all is a fanfic and some of my fantasies should be in it as well in the form of John in a tux and any reason to make Carter beautiful is good for me, on that note I do apologize it they seem a little out of character. This is the longest chapter yet. As always I appreciate all the reviews, they help a lot, keep them coming and I'll keep posting.

_Cast away the thoughts that haunt  
><em>_These crowded rooms of love that's lost  
><em>_And through the fire, I've loved you still  
><em>_Through the fire, I've loved you still_

_-Wake the Earth by The Honey Trees_

II

Chapter 4

She'd been busy trying to work the murder of Peter Smith, trying to connect all the players, conveniently enough no one saw anything at the scene of the crime, even the couple whose apartment was broken into was out of town. She met with Nadia once more after the night of the murder. They had met at the diner, John wasn't with her, but she knew that he was probably somewhere close by, he always was. She watched the girl sitting across from her as she held her coffee mug, she looked lost. The events of that night sinking in slowly, and aging her just a little. Carter was all to aware of what going through things like that did to people. She tried not to dwell too much on her past, it was a deal she had made with herself after Taylor's father had passed away. He was a good man, a caring man, the only person in the world that didn't make her feel alone. She realized at that moment how lonely Nadia must have felt but pushed inside herself in order to survive in this world. They had started with her family, she told her about them, smiling when it was good memories, eyes fading into nostalgia as if she was replaying the moments in her mind.

Nostalgia was good sometimes, but most of times that was another thing she didn't allow herself. She had no place to be weak. She worked with men, men who easily judged, men who would look down on her if she screwed up, men who were waiting for her to break. So she had to put on the attitude, she promised herself she was never going to let any man make her feel weak or helpless as she did in the army. There were days when she realized that she did feel helpless, but at least in this moment she had the chance to change that. They discussed her work as an escort, she could feel Nadia look even more defeated. "I told you I don't judge people."

Nadia shook her head lightly. "It's not that, ever have a moment in your life where everything that you've done comes at you like a tsunami and you realize that where you thought you were okay and that you were doing good and were balanced was/ is nothing but an illusion compared to where you are sitting now. Like all that time when you thought you had it together, you were a mess and the only one that couldn't see that was you?"

Carter smiled then. "Yea, I have." She looked down at her hands, "you know I get it, what it feels like having to provide, to feel like there you have no options. Been there myself."

Nadia looked at her, and soon Carter met her gaze. "I was making five grand a week, it was enough to save, to do things with my life, to help my family. I started when I was 20 and in that time I was able to help my dad start a business of his own, and travel, and pay for college, I could've never afford medical school without it. With all the bad that this job as brought me it also brought me opportunities, I'm not saying that it's worth it in this moment in my life, but I don't think I can honestly say I regret it that much." she sighed, "guess that makes me bad person."

Carter shook her head, "No it doesn't, it shows you are a strong person." Carter smiled at her, but her eyes were distant. "I thought you quit after Mark Smith's murder."

"I did, once I had been cleared of everything I left the business and went traveling, I had to get out of the city. And while I traveled through some of the poorest places I came to the conclusion if I could use myself for myself why wouldn't I? If I could use this job to pay for medical school and become a doctor, then I could someday help more people, I could give back for taking something that was mine." she said strongly. "I've seen that world where hopelessness isn't rock bottom, I want to change that even for one person if I can, and all it will cost me is me."

Carter looked at her, she could see the conflict behind her eyes. How could she blame someone who wanted to do more? Who wanted to do good? There was reasoning behind what she said, and she couldn't say that if she was in her shoes that she wouldn't do the same. "I get that."

"I volunteered where ever I could. I worked for free in the clinics in India, I worked with one of the few animal shelters in Thailand. I helped at an orphanage in Nepal. I felt guilt for what I did and for what I had. Even me wanting to help is selfish. I'm not a good person, just someone who needs to feel forgiven. So I went back, and here I am looking over my shoulder."

"That doesn't make you a bad person. You're probably better than a lot of people. So you should try to remember that you're good." Carter tried to comfort her. Nadia hummed, but Carter could see the doubt, the most confident person had doubts and those doubts seem to multiply like bacteria in minutes the more confident you were, paranoia was a strong shadow. "Charlie Burton." She changed the subject.

"A good man, taught me to be passionate, taught me to fight for what I wanted and believed in, to not feel sorry about where I'm from, or who I am," she said, "his father abused and abandoned him when he was a kid, and lost his mother as well. Went into the system, but he fought and got an education, became a good man and helped people like me." She shrugged, "That's what I know about him."

"It's kind of weird that you still talk to him after all this time, I mean that you're so close." Carter was curious about what Elias wanted with this girl, so far she couldn't see the angle, he wasn't using her in anyway it seemed.

Nadia chuckled, "I don't know it just happened, I needed a recommendation and we met for coffee and suddenly it became a monthly thing. We talked about books, about politics, about random things. He's an interesting man."

Carter raised an eyebrow at her, "Did you two get involved?"

"What? Oh, no, Charlie's too moral to try something. I'm telling you, this guy is as good as it gets." she said.

If only she knew what the man really was like, that he had almost all of the city wrapped around his fingers, that he tried to kill her, that he was all about revenge, power, and death. He thought of how when it all comes to an end, and it will end one day she was going to make sure of that, what this girl who had Elias on a pedestal of goodness was going to feel.

"You know I lost all interest in everything when I was fourteen, even tried to kill myself. The only person who understood, who was there was Charlie, well back then he was Mr. Burton. But from that day on I felt like I wasn't so alone." Nadia shrugged a shoulder, "don't know, I guess just knowing you have just one person whose got your back is enough."

Carter understood that well, her own feelings of relief in knowing that John was around made her feel better yet she felt guilty, she didn't want to depend on another person, but then she realized she didn't go looking for it, he'd come to her and offered it and until that moment when she was laying on the pavement thinking this is the end, and she didn't even get to see Taylor go off to college yet made her come to the conclusion that she so desperately wanted someone to have her back, someone who could love her for her, and love her son enough to want to protect him as she would. She now understood that man when he'd asked if she'd trust her son's life to a complete stranger, and the answer was no. No one was good enough, but she didn't even have an option. Hearing John tell her whether or not she liked him, he'd have her back was the moment she realized, she didn't really want to catch him, because despite her love for law, order and rules she believed him to be a good man, a man who was willing to give without asking for anything in return, man who really wasn't doing anything wrong (if you didn't count all the weapons he had or the fact that he shot the hood off a car in motion, the list went on).

She knew all too well how when your down someone lending you hand confuses you into thinking there was more to what was really there. She found her rationalization of her recent annoyances regarding John being just that. He was there when she needed him. Though his recklessness with Leila had extreme consequences, if there was anyone she'd pick to protect her son, it would be John she realized, because he'd do whatever to make sure Taylor was okay. The fact that she got what she asked for when lying there thinking 'fuck I almost died' was the reason she noticed things about John that she hadn't before. It was all hormonal self preservation, nothing more. "Sometimes people surprise us. Sometimes we surprise ourselves by doing things that we didn't think we could do." Carter said. "You were saying he'd left teaching to start a business, did he mention anything about this business of his?"

Nadia shook her head and turned her lips down, "No, actually it's the one thing he seems guarded about, but I took it as he's starting something new in his life so maybe he's embarrassed to talk about it. I don't know, didn't think it was a big deal."

"So you going to the opera with him, the opera is expensive, especially this particular performance. How does a school teacher turned new businessman afford something like that?" asked Carter.

Nadia narrowed her eyes, "you know detective all these questions are starting to sound a lot like you're trying to get information on Charlie."

Carter nodded, "I am, I have an interest in men that Charlie might be doin' business with. I told you the other night, I won't lie to you but there are things I can't disclose."

"You did say that. Charlie said the tickets were a gift from one of his business associates. I was curious and a little guilty that he'd go through the trouble and spend all that money just to take me out." she sighed, "but he just waved it off and said it was his treat because I got the internship and if I questioned it too much he'd be offended."

Carter finished off her coffee and pulled her wallet out, "well that's all I need from you now, do you need a ride somewhere?"

Nadia pulled her own wallet out, "glad I can bore you with the story of my life so far, and sure I'm headed downtown, I gotta get to work."

Carter waved her off, "I got this, and what work are you going to now?"

Nadia laughed, "Don't worry detective, I said I was done and I am. I work twice a week at the Stanton Social as a pastry chef, honest work."

"A pastry chef huh, so you're tackling med school internship, and baking? Girl you got talent oozing out of your pores. I hope my son's got some of that locked away somewhere. And I'm glad to hear that you're getting out. Let me know if there is a problem with your employer." Said Carter impressed.

"You have a son?" Nadia asked as they exited the diner, "and I wouldn't call it a talent, it's more just that I get bored easily and need constantly to be challenged, graduated from Cordon Bleu while I was in Paris. I already quit, the first thing I did when John took me home was that. I was surprised by how easy it was too, last time it was easy cause I had no job to go back to."

Carter pouted her lips, "I'm sure your employer was persuaded somehow." thinking of how John or Finch could have easily get Nadia's employer to release her, it could've been Elias as well. This case was a web, and but then anything involving Elias usually was. "It's good to push boundaries, just make sure to think about the consequences."

Nadia laughed as she got into Carter's car, "Yes detective, lesson learned."

Carter smiled, it was good to see her letting go, taking things as they came. So many people she met in the line of her work just spiral down. But after talking to Nadia, she could tell that spiraling down wasn't an option for the girl. The ride down to the lower east side was pleasant as they talked about things. Carter found herself liking the girl, she was easy to be around. She now understood why John was so fond of her. When she dropped her off, Nadia thanked her and said she'd bring her dessert sometime, and Carter told her she'd hold her to that offer since she loved anything chocolate or sweet for that matter.

John watched the two the entire time, and smiled that it seemed like Carter was enjoying her time with Nadia, as it turned out the girl was easy to like. He always liked seeing Carter smile, she seemed brighter when she did, the weights he usually saw on her lifting just a little. He knew all too well what that weight can do to a person. He said he'd have her back and he will in whatever way he could. He knew of Carter's struggles before she became a detective, and he knew her conflict with what he and Finch did. But he couldn't say that he wasn't glad that she was working with them again. She was a good woman and a good cop, he just wanted to make sure she got to do it for a long time to come. Watching her drive away, he saw Nadia enter the restaurant. He had some time to do a little digging on the owner of the building that Peter was killed in, a Cyrek Gryzbowski.

The week breezed by with no threats to Nadia that she heard off, John informed her that the owner of the building, Gryzbowski a third generation pole had past connections to some drug trafficking charges worth looking into, since Elias had everyone playing his game they might know each other. As it turned out the building the shooter was in was also owned by Gryzbowski. After chasing the owner down, it turned out they didn't have anything to charge him with and he wasn't going to give anything up, but she very intimidatingly told him not to go anywhere cause she had her eyes on him.

It was friday around three that she got home, earlier than usual, but she figured she'd give herself some time to get ready as they had to be at Lincoln Center around 7, and Finch was very strict about that time. She looked at the box at her door steps, picking it up with the rest of the mail she went inside. Placing the other mails on the counter she took her jacket off and placed that next to the pile of mail, then took her shoes off. Finally she looked at the box, hands on her hips before her fingers lingered on the sides. She opened the large matte silver box, inside wrapped in soft black tissue was gorgeous red silk. She gave the garment a questionable look before pulling it out and watching it fall in a waterfall of silk onto the ground. It was a gorgeous dress that she was holding in her hands. She sighed as she picked up the card on the bottom of the box.

_Detective Carter,_

_Something for you to show gratitude for all your help._

_Finch_

She rolled her eyes with a small smile, as if she needs some eccentric billionaire telling her what she should wear to the Opera. But she smiled anyway, it would be interesting she supposed to work on a stake out with those two, or it could be a royal pain in her ass. Walking to her bedroom with the box in hand, she placed it on her bed and stripped out of her shirt. Looking at herself in the mirror she actually felt excited about this. It's been a long time since she's done anything that required her to be dressed in anything other than her usual work attire, the life of a homicide detective wasn't glamourous, at least not hers. She didn't go out on weekend, opting instead to catching up with Taylor. The last time she put a dress on was a year ago at one of her mother's party thing.

She was a confident woman, she liked herself enough to take the compliments thrown her way with humor. But tonight's event had her feeling a little anxious. She took a deep breath and schooled herself in the mirror. "You're gonna get through it and in the end have Elias!" giving herself a nod she headed into the shower. An hour and half later when she emerged from her bedroom, Taylor was in the kitchen standing next to the fridge.

"Ma?" he asked with a skeptical smile, "where are you going?"

Carter smiled, "I've got a thing for work, what are you doing tonight?"

Taylor just grinned at his mother, "sure you don't have a date?"

Carter rolled her eyes, "No, I do not have a date, it's work."

"Okay, if you say so. I'm just gonna hang out here tonight, Kyle and Jenny might come over if that's okay." he asked his mom still smiling.

Carter picked up her phone and looked at the little envelope icon-text from Finch. "Yeah that's fine, just don't make a mess out of my house."

"I won't." he said grabbing a gatorade and walking towards her.

She opened the text and it simply read, '_there is a car waiting for you outside_.' Of course there is she thought rolling her eyes. "Alright baby, I gotta go. Be good, love you!"

"Love you too ma," he said and Carter smiled giving him a kiss, "Ma?"

"Yeah?" she asked from the door.

"You look beautiful, have fun."

Her eyes softened and she smiled, "Thanks, baby." She felt giddy, which was rear, but every time Taylor did or said something to her that was sweet or thoughtful she felt like this and then the high wore out into a satisfaction of the fact that she raised him well, and then came the lingering sadness that his father couldn't be here to see him become a man. She pushed those thoughts from her mind and looked ahead and there was a car with a driver waiting for her. Suddenly she was anxious again. At least she knew she had her gun strapped to her thigh if she needed it to shoot someone.

John stood at the entrance of the Met, ear piece in place, watching out for any sign of Nadia and Elias. "Mr. Reese do you think she could have contacted him in someway and cancelled?" asked Finch from a few feet away. John thought of that himself, usually it wasn't hard for them to keep track people, but those people weren't as clever as Nadia. She could've found some way to warn Elias, but then John was also sure that she had no idea that Charlie Burton was actually Carl Elias and she seemed pretty on board with their plans. They had decided she didn't need to know that they'd be at the opera as well. Just as he was about to answer, he spotted Nadia and next to her was Elias.

"I see them Finch." he said, he observed him with Nadia who looked stunning as ever, something about Elias was different. But then he was a master manipulator, he had John fooled once. Nadia walked with her arm in his, her free hand going to rest on his shoulder for a brush as she laughed at the story he was telling, his eyes lingering on her face with a smile before he turned forward and continue to tell her the rest. Sometimes reality could be deceiving, but here in this moment what he saw and understood was, Elias was in love with this girl. "Any news of detective Carter?"

Finch smiled when he saw the car pull up, walking over to the door he opened it. "She's just arrived we will be meeting you shortly Mr. Reese." John looked for Finch and looked to where he stood in front of a town car, assuming that he'd sent Carter to be picked up, obsessive over details.

Carter felt out of place for a second, it all seemed a little too much. When Finch opened the door for her and offered his hand to her, she was taken aback, this was feeling all too surreal for her. "Detective, may I call you Jocelyn tonight?" She simply nodded and stepped out of the car, holding the dress out of the way until she was completely standing.

Finch pushed his glasses higher up on his nose, he had expected the dress to suit the detective when he'd picked it out but didn't realize just how well the detective was going to wear it. There she stood, black platform pumps disappearing under the length of the deep red satin gown. It featured a modest v neck to expose her more gifted assets, the thick silk straps disappearing into a full lace back and silk taking over again over her round toned bottom. Her dark tresses parted to the side with soft curls, gold earrings and cuff around her wrist. Black clutch in hand, she took a quiet breath and smiled at Finch. Yes she always surprised him, maybe that's what Reese liked about her. "Shall we?" he offered his arm. She chuckled and took it.

John's throat went a little dry, he always appreciated Carter's looks, but in this moment something changed within him, he didn't know just what, but seeing here like that he wasn't having brotherly thoughts. He stood tall when he saw them approach and smirked at her. "That color suits you, detective."

His eyes had a mischievous glint behind it, she wondered if he knew how stunning and expressive his damn eyes were. Carter found herself grow warm, if it wasn't for the light blush she'd apply to her cheeks it would show that she was indeed blushing. Her eyes scanned him, he was always very dashing in his suits and perfect skin and baby blues that held so many shadows. But the man killed it in a tux, there was a thump in her chest, but barely noticeable. "You don't look half bad yourself."

John smiled, Finch fidgeted only slightly by his companions light ogling of one another. He cleared his throat and suggested they move inside. John watched as Finch turned her away from him towards the entrance, giving him a great view of the back to that fantastic dress. Nope, no brotherly thoughts were flying through his mind at that moment. He quietly followed the pair inside.

It was gorgeous inside, Carter had been to the Met Opera house once before but it was related to a case, and during the day. At night the whole place came alive, bathed in the light from the chandeliers made to look like falling snow flakes. The white marble floors a nice contrast with the red carpeting on the stairs. There were so many people every where dressed in their best. She turned to Finch asked, "so what is this opera about?"

"It's a comedy about love." Stated Finch as Carter just arched an eyebrow at him. "You'll just have to watch and see."

John smirked when she looked at him with slight annoyance. They made their way up the steps where Finch had a secluded private box. Finch excused himself asking Carter to continue without him as a man approached him, she looked back at them , John had disappeared as well. She walked inside their box. They were sitting in the center parterre, there were eight seats, two rows of three and two seats in the back. She thought about the fact that she'd be sitting for a while, she looked around and found her surrounds to be private enough when she lifted her gown and readjusted the gun she had strapped there, in that moment both Finch and John walked in. She looked up at them, Finch looked uncomfortable, while John just smirked, his eyes dancing.

"Had to readjust my gun." she simply said straightening.

"Of course." said Finch and headed to the first row of seats.

John eyed her and she looked at him, she finally cleared her throat and sat down in the middle chair next to Finch. He'd been serious when he said she was girl after his own heart, seeing her with the gun making him smile ear to ear. He joined them in the last seat left, Carter sitting in between the two men.

"Is there anyone joining us?" asked Carter looking at the empty seats behind them.

"No I bought all the seats." said Finch smiling in his way. "Thought it be best to have privacy. These are the best seats in the house, the optimal position to get both orchestra sound and visual of the stage performance. Also we have a very good view of Miss. Ali and Elias from here."

Carter hummed and sat back, the man had too much money for his own good. The lights lowered and the curtains lifted. Carter found herself glad that she came as the first act progressed. This being a story about a poor village boy in love with the rich land owner, and a cunning doctor who promised to have a potion to make the land owner fall in love with him. She had to smile several times because it was funny. John looked over to her curious, relaxed smile and he found that the opera wasn't so bad after all.

Carter watched Nadia and Elias closely, it was intermission between the acts, she held a glass of champagne in her hand, courtesy of Finch. It was almost unnerving seeing the person who wanted you dead so close, yet he was completely unaware of her presence tonight, if she was guessing the only thing he was aware of was the girl next to him, suddenly she felt John next to her. "I think Elias is in love with our girl."

John nodded, "I suspected the same," he looked at her from the corner of his eyes, she pushed her lips out in thought, tonight they were painted a flattering shade of red.

"I keep trying to build a case against him and every time I end up back to square one. Can't arrest him without any evidence, even though he's behind a lot of what's going on, I have no real evidence to build a case, and with the depth of corruption in the system he'll be out in no time, if I can book him that is. He's got everyone scared," she said almost with a small defeated voice. "This feels like having something dangled in front of your eyes but you can't reach it."

John agreed as he watched her. "We could use the girl."

Carter turned to look at him, "what do you have in mind?"

"I can continue to track her, if I'm right about Elias, she's more of a secret indulgence for him than a sure thing, she doesn't fit the role of Queen mob." he finished.

"Right cause she's not catholic or Italian or White for that matter." Carter caught on. "But he loves her."

"Sometimes that's not enough." John said as he watched them. "She has no idea how he feels about her, for her he's someone whose been there for her, empowered her, gave her a reason to fight, she probably sees him as a father figure given the age difference and will probably never want him the way he wants her."

Carter watched his eyes get lost in distance, he was watching them, but his eyes were somewhere else. She knew close to nothing about him, and what she did know, she didn't know what was true and what wasn't. "So why keep seeing her? He could have anyone."

John turned to face her now as well and smiled down at her, tonight she wasn't that much shorter with her heels, but he still towered over her somehow. He stepped just a little bit closer. "Because we can't help who we fall in love with."

Her breath caught in her throat, the intensity in his eyes mesmerized her. She always thought him to be handsome, charming, and a complete bad ass, but never entertained the idea of actually being attracted to the man, but now if she was honest it was growing from the moment the chase became a need. What was happening to her didn't just occur suddenly, it was subtly growing and she didn't even realize it till now. She swallowed and cleared her throat, "no I guess we can't."

Finch watched his two companions, he wasn't unaware of John's concern for the woman. It was apparent when they were working her number that he was taking it personally. He even said so himself, that she wasn't just another number. He just didn't know whether he should be worried about it.

"He's going to try and establish total power before he even considers bringing her in." said John.

Cater nodded, "right, but if he's provoked he might make a mistake and that could be our break."

John smiled and gave a side nod. She couldn't help smile as well.

"John?" That voice all too familiar. Both he and Carter turned to meet Zoe Morgan. She looked stunning wearing a black strapless gown that hugged every curve, her hair that she usually wore down was done up in a fashionable bun. She smiled at him in that playful way, like she knew something that he didn't. "Fancy seeing you here."

Carter looked the woman down, she was gorgeous and obviously very interested in _her_ vigilante in a suit. She worked in a job where she could read body language with relative ease and this one was throwing sexual tension at him a mile a minute. Though something about this woman made Carter wonder, as if they met before. Zoe looked at her then as well. "Detective Carter I believe."

"Zoe Morgan." It finally clicked where she knew her from, they had crossed paths at one of the Mayor's events. "it's been a long time, I take it that you're well."

Zoe smiled, "can't complain," as her eyes drifted over to John then back on Carter. "You seem well yourself." She looked at John again, "I didn't realize you were acquainted with Detective Carter, John."

John smiled and shrugged looking at Carter briefly, "Sometimes our paths cross, as we're kind of in the same line of work."

Carter snorted a little with a smile, "we obviously have different views on that, but I suppose you can say that."

Zoe gave a tight lipped smile, she picked up the easy banter between John and the detective, was the detective the reason that he had turned her down for that drink? She knew him to be a charming man, but she suspected that he used that charm more for his advantage for getting what he wanted in a situation rather than sex. But there was something about they're dynamic that made Zoe curious.

Finch could feel the tension from where he stood and decided an intervention would be best to draw away attention. Making his way to Carter, "Jocelyn, I think we should start heading back to our seats."

"Mr. Finch," Zoe smiled at him.

"Miss. Morgan. How are you enjoying the opera so far?" he asked.

Zoe smiled, "it's really not a social call for me, more of a business situation."

"Of course." he stated pressing his lips together into a small tight smile. "Well it was a pleasant surprise seeing you tonight. You enjoy the rest of your evening."

Zoe looked at John, "maybe it will be. Have a good night Mr. Finch, Detective Carter."

"You too." said Carter with an unreadable smile as she and Finch walked away. She couldn't explain the smile that appeared when John fell into step with them shortly after.

The second act went by quickly with . Carter had to admit that she actually enjoyed it a lot, and was moved by the voice and the music. She looked to her companions, Finch seemed blissful for a moment she thought, he always looked so serious, but in this moment she saw raw emotions, and something about that made her feel better about working with them. Finch informed her that it was best to let the other patrons leave first, he didn't like crowds.

"Well how did you like it?" he asked.

Carter smiled, "It was nice."

"Yes it was."

"Gaetano Donazetti composed 75 operas, but is only known for five, this one and Don Pasquale being the most popular." Finch, "he came from nothing and had no formal musical training. It's kind of fitting for Elias to choose this to serenade Miss. Ali, isn't it?"

John smiled, Finch's tidbits always related back to what they were doing. He looked at Carter who seemed like for the first time wasn't frustrated with Finch, rather she looked enthralled. Tonight her features or softer and she seemed relaxed. He realized that when she was on the job she needed to appear strong, but he took comfort in knowing that she felt she could relax around them. Maybe it was the music, and talk of love. "Sure." John said getting their attention. "But I don't think Nadia will respond as Adina did to Nemorino."

Finch sat straighter (if that's possible) pushing his glasses higher up, "it's fascinating that he can be so human yet so cold and calculating. I suppose we never really know anyone."

How true were those words thought John as they came from the man with a many names. "It's easy to be a monster with the face of a human."

Carter looked at him, that's what Snow described him as, but she only saw human. She realized after meeting Snow, why John might be the way he was. But he was never unkind or cold. She looked at the stage where the curtains were drawn. Everything was about perception, and here she knew him to be more human than most. She didn't know what motivated him to do what he does, but she held high hopes that one of these days he was going to tell her and she hoped that she wouldn't be disappointed.

"I think we can start heading out." Said Finch coming to a stand, Carter stood with him as well but decided they played the escort card enough so she walked in front of him. They went down the stairs and she took it all in once more. It wasn't so bad being on a stalk out with these two she decided. It was definitely more glamours than the ones she's used to.

John watched her, he found himself doing that a lot tonight, half out of curiosity that she could walk so gracefully in five inch heels, he had an idea that Finch was thinking the same thing as they walked her climb down. Jocelyn Carter was all woman, and she knew how to work that. He fell back as Finch and Carter exited the building. He needed a minute to pull himself together.

Elias came to stand next to John, the empty entrance to the Met, almost all the other patrons of the night had left save a few couples here and there. He stood next to the fountain and looked out in front of him. "John, I didn't know you enjoyed the Opera."

"There is a lot you don't know about me Elias, we're not exactly friends." stated John.

"No I suppose we're not." Stated Elias. "Why are you here John?"

"Where is your father, I would think you'd make this a family affair, doesn't he enjoy the Opera?"

Elias chuckled softly, "You don't have to worry about the old man, but if you're not here for me, I wonder who you could be here for."

"I offer my services to those who might need it, don't you recall that Elias. I did save your life."

"Yes, so you keep reminding me." Elias, "You know John I recall you using up your favored owed when you asked me not to come after detective Carter. So I hope that you don't hold our last meeting against me, I simply wanted something back for helping you." John looked at him then, his eyes cold and steady. Elias also faced him, a smile playing on his lips. "If you'll excuse me John, I have someone waiting for me."

John let the fist in his pocket go and clenched his jaw, he wanted to keep this professional but Elias refuse to let him make things right and was quickly making it personal, but he realized the moment he acted to save Carter that it had become personal. He watched the man walk away towards the car that was waiting for him, turning one last time to look at him. He still felt guilty for saving that man's life, he had him so fooled. The one thing John hated the most was manipulations and lie like that of Elias, it brought back memories of the amount of time he spent doing things under lies.

"Shall I drop you home detective?" Finch asked as they neared the curb.

Carter smiled, "Thanks but I'll just take a cab, you've done enough." her hand running down the dress lightly.

Finch gave her a small smile and nodded, "well until next time then. Good night."

Carter waved to Finch as his car drove away. She sighed, it was still pretty cold at night, and she didn't prepare for it. Just then she felt his jacket on her shoulders, thinking his hands made a very slow descend down her arms. "Thanks."

"No problem." he said softly. They started to walk up towards 63rd street. "How is Szymanski doing?"

Carter was surprised to hear him ask about her colleague. "He's recovering slowly, but better each day." she sighed, "John I don't blame you for him getting shot." She did a little initially but remembering how she got him shot once without intending to made her let that judgement go.

"I know, but it doesn't make me feel less guilty." he said softly. "Joss, I really am sorry. Sometimes the lines do blur."

Her name, he'd called her that a handful of times, the first being when he saved her life. And the effect is still just that haunting. "I know it can, that's why what we're doing is dangerous. That's why there are rules."

"Rules are meant to be broken" he said with a playful smile, "and I'm so good at it."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "I've noticed your talent for it." she stopped at the corner of W64th and Columbus. "So Zoe Morgan."

He tensed slightly, "she was in trouble, I helped."

"Of course. You're a regular knight in shining armor." she said dryly. He could feel her agitation and it actually kind of made him want to laugh, women and their cattiness. "You know she's got a thing for you."

"I'm aware." he said. "But I don't have a thing for her."

"I should get a cab." She looked at him, the direction of conversation going to a place she wasn't prepared to go, "I appreciate you trying to fix things, but this is a long game we're in with Elias."

"I have the time." he simply said looking down at her the wind blew making her hair catch on her lips, he ever so gently brushed it back. It was stepping a line he realized but he couldn't help himself. "You look beautiful tonight detective." with that he walked the opposite direction, leaving her completely stunned and confused, fingering his jacket with one hand and her cheek with the other. It was a ghost of a caress but it left her burning with a dazed look on her face.

TBC

Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I love the Opera, I think it's one of those things that you should give a chance at least once. So I thought why not take this already mess of a story line and make it even messier by bringing back Zoe Morgan and Will Ingram, both of which will serve as a catalyst. So both of these characters will be making appearances from time to time to shake things up. Also things will be less action packed (because I suck at it) and more character and story development. This story is rated T for my horrible potty mouth, which I'm afraid is true in my real life as well. I apologize for offending anyone with it, but then you shouldn't be reading shit you can't handle! Thank you for the reviews because they always help me to organize my thoughts. Forestlark thanks for the reading aloud advice, it does help as I've caught a few errors, please forgive me for the ones that I do miss.

*Revised due to amazing amounts of errors I found!

Magnetic Resonance Elastography of the Brain in Alzheimer's Disease thesis idea is owned by Matthew Murphy, I'm a fan and decided to use it only for fictional purposes, so please don't sue me, I think the work you're doing is great and inspirational.

By the way this song Mouthful of diamonds totally reminds me of Reese, just something about it is amazing. I know that we all have different taste in music, but I hope that some of the mentioned in these chapters strike your fancy.

_You've got a mouthful of diamonds  
><em>_And a pocketful of secrets  
><em>_I know you're never telling anyone  
><em>_Because the patterns they control your mind  
><em>_Those patterns take away my time  
><em>_Hello, goodbye_

_-Mouthful of Diamonds by Phantogram_

II

Chapter 5

She woke up her usual time at 5:30, but she couldn't get out of bed. She was still replaying the touch John had left her with almost three nights ago. She wasn't even sure that it was a touch. The man was a pain in the ass, she knit her brows together and threw the sheets away from her and sat up. What the hell did he think he was doing? Why was she still thinking about it like a little love sick school girl if it really didn't happen? It was probably nothing. She could still recall standing in the sidewalk for a good five minutes before she snapped out of it and hailed herself a cab home. But that daze didn't lift all weekend, and she hadn't heard from him all weekend. It was nothing she kept repeating to herself. But she hoped it was not nothing, she hoped in some small corner of her that he was tormented by some shit she did as she was right now, that these feelings which she hadn't had in a very long time was actually something he felt as well, but that corner was as small as the thump in her chest when she saw him at the opera. It was a glitch in her system. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Pull it together Joss." she said to herself letting rational Joss take the wheel.

It was nothing, and it was going to stay nothing, when she saw him again, she would be the same as she's always been. Calm, collective, and annoyed. The last one being a breeze, cause she was annoyed beyond belief. She knew she was blowing this out of proportion, because friends do that, they compliment each other and brush their hair back when-nope she and John were not that kind of friends, actually she couldn't put a straight forward name on what they were. Detective and Vigilante?

He leaned against the window pane looking out onto the street below, he would be on his way over to Nadia's soon. He thought back to just how stupid he was three nights ago. How he let that small dark desire slip from his control. He was a man who could do anything if he put his mind to it. He'd walked away from Jessica that day for god's sake! He lived despite being torn apart by her death and yet here he was like a teenage boy trying to contemplate just what the hell Carter thought of him now. When he'd turn to walk away he could barely keep the smile from spreading across his face, but he hadn't seen her reaction and later realized he was doing things to push her away instead of swaying her to stay.

He sighed and picked up his blazer, he didn't have time for this sort of things in his life. He couldn't live with himself if something happened to her like it had with Jessica. Snow was a calculating man who will eventually catch up with him and he will use any leverage to get him, hell he already made that clear to Carter. He was putting her in danger, and Taylor too for that matter. He knew he cared for the woman and if he really cared the best thing he could do is keep their interaction professional.

Nadia walked out of her apartment and saw John watching her in his usual spot. She smiled as she walked up to him, "morning John."

He smiled back, she was always smiling. It was something that made him curious, how she could smile despite everything that she went through. "Morning."

"You're a little late, didn't see you parked here at 6 sharp." she teased. "I mean I even thought of making some coffee for you, but then you weren't here."

His eyes danced but he didn't say anything, she was observant, he would come to know just how much later, but for now he was impressed. "Do you want a ride?"

"I can walk." she said. "I live around here because I can walk. Besides I've got a lab I have to finish, so I've got some time to get there before the lab is free." she said glancing at her watch as she started to walk, turning towards him, "but I wouldn't mind some company."

He easily fell into step with her, not saying much for about a block or two. "How did you like the opera?"

John smiled so she did noticed them, "it was interesting. What people will do for love and what people will do to manipulate love. The mind games that come with it. Seems a little exhausting."

Nadia laughed, "You paid attention. I'm impressed. Isn't love just that a huge mind game? All derived from hormones and chemicals leased from the brain."

He'd seen that particular opera before, in between intermission he killed two men. "I can be surprising. And that's getting technical."

"I've noticed how impressive you can be." she said her eyes smiling, "so did you get what you needed while there?"

Why the thought of Carter, the feel of her smooth skin flashed through his mind at that question was beyond him, okay so it wasn't but he wasn't in the mood to think about it for now. "It was informative."

"Did you find something about Charlie's business associates?" she asked looking at him, "Don't worry he doesn't know anything, well at least not about you or detective Carter, I keep things from him too (I supposed everyone has something they keep from someone), like the whole escort business, I know he'd be disappointed in me and I couldn't deal with him thinking less of me."

"You really care what he thinks about you." he stated watching as she bit her lower lip, a thing he assumed she did when she felt nervous.

She sighed, "I do," she held the strap to her backpack tighter, "I mean not a lot of people's opinion matter to me, but his does, I mean I want him to be proud of me."

"Do you have a crush on him?" John asked almost playfully and he supposed it could have been playful if they weren't talking about Elias.

Nadia's head whipped around to look at him, seriousness plastered on her face, "You know not everything between a man and woman is about sex. At least this one isn't, you know detective Carter asked me the same thing."

He was aware that Carter had asked her this, but she was evasive in answering then, "It just seemed like you guys were close."

She shrugged, "I'm comfortable with him, he's the closets thing to family I have now. I know how it looks but, it's not that. We're friends, it's platonic, almost parental."

Elias did not think that way even if he let her believe it. John saw clearly a man who cared deeply about her, but it wasn't that of a parent, no his eyes lingered too long, and her touches unfazed him. The fact that Nadia was so clueless about it made him wonder if Carter was just as clueless and he'd confused and insulted her by doing what he had. It was a fucking brush, could've easily have been from her brother. He wasn't convinced himself, how could she ever be?

It was a fucking brush, a barely there brush thought Carter as she drove into work, why the hell was she still think about this? She sighed and shook her head, she was hoping that some punk would give her some grief just so she had something to punch her frustrations out. She was more pissed at herself for over thinking shit. She remembered the first time Taylor's father had asked her on a date, she couldn't stop thinking about it the whole four days to their date. The memory brought a smile back on her lips. She didn't think of him as often as she would like to, but that was a defense mechanism. She took a breath and walked into the building, and still hoped she could beat some deserving ass to the ground. She wasn't ready to admit that she was attracted to John, he was a handsome man, and they had a connection that she couldn't explain, but she wasn't sure or ready to label it more, not even attraction.

"You look lost in thought John." Nadia said as they neared the campus. "Something on your mind?"

He had a thousand things on his mind on any given minute, thinking of his past, Jessica, past cases, people he kept an eye on to make sure they were safe, current case and Carter. The detective being the dominant thought most days now. "Not really, still not sure if you're safe or not. Who'd want to hurt you?"

Nadia's eye soften, "Well I'm not that worried, I'm sure you're more than capable. Maybe it will be this schedule that will kill me." she muttered.

"How do you do all this, I mean handling an internship, the jobs, and you took on the PhD program." he knew everything she did, but he was also amazed that one person would want to take on so much.

She shrugged, "it keeps me busy, and now days just a MD isn't enough, if you really are going to spend the money, the blood and sweat then the PhD program is necessary, I think. I'm lucky that I got on the internship rotation even before I graduated, you have no idea how rear it is to be granted this privilege. Now I have to finish my dissertation and I'll be Dr. Nadia Ali, well I'm technically already Dr. Ali, but you know that already John. Working at the Stanton and the coffee shop is my break, the only place I let myself unwind, that and once a month movie date with myself. This way I don't lose track of what I want. Sacrifices are being made for a future."

"All so your family will welcome you back with open arms," stated John.

She stopped and her eyes darkened, she looked almost angry. "No, I don't expect them to ever take me back, use my success yes, but really accept me as their daughter will never happen. But then you don't know me or my family John, what you may have found out in the past couple of weeks are nothing but tidbits." she sighed, "they'll never understand me, and I don't expect them to change. See you round John, I gotta go."

He watched her walk away, hands in pocket. He could tell he struck a cord with her, her family was a sensitive almost untouchable issue. He seemed to pissing of woman left and right lately assuming that Carter was also pissed at him. "Finch."

"Good morning Mr. Reese, what can I do for you?"

"Have you found out anything more on Nadia's family?" asked John.

"Well her sister did call me, filled me on some things but nothing that we didn't already know." said Finch. "She's a very smart girl, breezed through most of her education as a child, graduated high school in two and half years with honors, went to NYU from where she graduated in three and half years earning summa cum laude. Traveled through Europe, where she graduated from Cordon Bleu Paris, went on to travel through out Asia volunteering in many organizations. She's an impressive young woman for someone whose so young. Really the only flaw I see is the shady business she's wrapped up in now, assuming that she doesn't really know who Elias is. She did party a little while traveling, as I am looking through her facebook page. She got in to the Columbia medical Md/PhD program, a very hard program to get accepted in to. She presented her thesis proposal a year and half ago on Magnetic Resonance Elastography of the Brain in Alzheimer's Disease. She's currently working on her dissertation. She's someone to watch out for, I imagine she will be a brilliant doctor, could possibly cure Alzheimer's someday."

"Impressive girl." stated John.

"She is, but even she's human from the mistakes she's made. She's very driven and an over achiever but I can't understand if she is doing all this for herself or acceptance."

John smiled, "funny you mentioned that, I wondered the same thing. There is something that happened with her family, that she's not talking about and neither are they."

"But I suppose her accomplished resume isn't a reason for her to be targeted...or is it?" asked Finch as he typed. "Mr. Reese, I found another possible suspect, a Mike Mattoon. Apparently Miss. Ali exposed him as a cheat about six months ago when he tried to pass on some initial research she had done for her thesis as his own. They were lab partners. He was expelled from the program. There are some threatening emails from him to Miss. Ali."

"Why didn't she mention him?" asked John brows knitted together. "We asked her if anyone has any reason to hurt her."

"I think she just thought he was taking out his anger on her, her emails back to him are written in a calm fashion where she was understanding of what he might be going through. But he's emailed her about five times after that a few of them very graphic and violent with the last one saying he was going to make her pay." Read Finch.

"Okay I'm gonna go check this Mike out, Nadia will be in lab from 9:00 to about 11:45. Text me Mattoon's address." Said John.

"Shall I forward the information to detective Carter?" asked Finch. "Looks like Mattoon has an arrest record from about a month ago. I'll look into Mr. Mattoon."

John mentally flinched at the mention of her name. "You do that Finch." With that he ended the call and headed to do research on Mike Mattoon, something to finally get his mind off the detective, but he was dreading the meeting which was inevitable.

Carter's burner phone rang and she could feel her irritation heighten. "Hello?"

"Detective, we have another possible suspect that might be out to hurt Miss. Ali, a Mike Mattoon." Finch said straight to business.

Carter sighed and it was one of relief that it was Finch and not John. She wasn't ready to face that yet. "Alright, I'm looking him up right now."

"If you don't mind passing the information to Mr. Reese I'd appreciate it, I have a meeting I must get to. Thank you." with that he was gone. Carter just glared down at the phone, of course this was going to happen, but they had to face it at some point.

Finch smiled as he met Will at the chosen restaurant. Embracing the young man who embraced him back. Will was probably one of the few people in the world who he genuinely smiled for, he'd seen the boy grow up, had a fondness for him that he couldn't say he had for anyone else. "Will I'm so glad to have you back here with us. How was Sudan?"

Will waved his bandaged arm at Finch, "Adventurous."

Finch raised is brows and nodded, "I can see that, are you alright?"

Will laughed, "yeah this is nothing, I'm fine, just needed to be back in the city for a little while. I've been thinking about dad again."

If Will had been looking hard he would've seen the fleeting look of worry in Finch's eyes but he was all smiles when Will finally looked at him. "What have you been thinking about?"

The younger man shrugged, "I don't know, some things just don't click, but then maybe it's just that I miss him. I maybe looking for answers in places where I think will help me understand him better, bring me closer to him, I guess that's silly since he's gone."

"It's not silly to want to know your father. You should try to focus on the good memories you have of him, he'd be proud of you today Will. You turned out to be a fine young man." said Finch with fondness in his eyes.

Will smiled, "I always feel better after talking to you uncle Harold, but I wonder how much of it is just things you say to do just that."

"You know me Will, I'm very direct." stated Finch. "I have no gain in lying to you." He touched his glass, John would call it is tell, when Finch wasn't releasing all the information or was nervous he touched his glasses.

"Yeah I suppose not." he said looking at Finch. "I'm gonna stick around for a little while I think, you know sell the loft like I had planned, it would be nice to see you again."

"Of course. Whenever you need." said Harold opening the menu with a smile. "Now let's order and tell me all about Sudan and that cut on your arm."

Carter found out that Mike Mattoon was into some shady stuff, he was from a wealthy family and pretty much had most things handed to him, and he had a DUI and a juve record that was sealed, and after his expulsion he's been getting in touch with some dangerous people, a gang that was known for running guns. The arrest was an anonymous call about him stalking out Nadia's apartment intoxicated. She requested for the audio, she wondered if it was Nadia who made the call or if someone else made it for her, a neighbor, or maybe Elias. She knew she was pulling tooth, but anything to get leverage over that guy.

When she had the file, she looked down at her phone she didn't trust herself to talk to him, but she had to give him the information she acquired, so she opted for a text instead. When she got the return text stating he was already at his residence, she breathed hard and grabbed her badge and gun. The man was pissing her off and this time she didn't know if he'd done anything wrong (out of the ordinary anyway).

John put the phone away and looked around the apartment, it was a basic one bedroom in a brownstone. Easy enough to break into without anyone noticing that a hair was moved. He looked around, it was messy and looked like a party pad, with pills and bongs thrown around with carelessness next to some what he assumed were medical textbooks. When he walked into the bedroom and opened the closet door, he knew he was in the right apartment. There on the closet door were pictures of Nadia, some were taken from a couple of years back. So it seemed that Mattoon was obsessed with her. He looked closer at the picture of her from the night of the opera. He'd been following her for a span of six months extensively, looking around the closet he found a notebook with dates and time and notes. The last entry being the most alarming for John.

_11:45 Lab ends, N buys sandwich from corner bodega, N is mine at 12:00._

Looking down at his watch he saw it was 10:37, just then he heard the door open. Mattoon had walked in humming something, throwing his headphone off he walked to his fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and drank it down, John had his gun out and looking into the living from the bedroom doorway. Mattoon opened a cabinet and from a coffee can pulled out the piece, and John knew for sure he was going to go after Nadia. He was about to go for him when there was a knock on the door.

"Mr. Mattoon? NYPD," came Carter's voice through the door and John closed his eyes in frustration of her timing.

Mattoon looked panicked the piece in his hands still as he looked to the window with fire escape. He put the gun into the back of his pants and grabbed a hoodie before he was opening the window. Carter's voice became louder "Mr. Mattoon I hope you're not planning on running, I know you're in there." As John pulled his phone out and texted her. Within second she was kicking the door down, as Mattoon rushed down the fire escape. She ran to the window with her gun pointed.

John coming out from the bedroom, they had no time to really acknowledge each other as she said to him, "you go down the fire escape and I'll catch him from the front." she yelled at him and he nodded as he dashed out of the window.

Carter was running down the stairs her thoughts flying a mile a minute and as she opened the door to the building Mattoon ran just barely past her when she took off after him and within minutes she was tackling him down. When he tried to push her off Carter punched him in the side and he fell back with a grunt, "when I say don't run, don't run!"

"I didn't do anything!" He claimed.

"Why did you run then? That makes you guilty of something!"

"I have the right to be silent."

"Then shut up." she said.

John tried to hold his smile back as he watched her cuff him, he could read the aggression off her, and he wondered if it was all directed towards him. She pushed him into back of her car and looked at John finally who didn't even look out of breath. They were going to pretend like whatever happened didn't happen. Neither will say anything and this will be buried as a dark secret, those milliseconds of pleasure something of fantasy. "Didn't think I would have to make an arrest so fast."

"You're gonna need this." said John as he handed her the notebook, "I'd like that back by the way. There could be valuable information on Elias."

"You think he knows something about Elias?" she asked brows knitting together.

"He's been following Nadia for a while, I think he saw Elias as someone of interest, it could be he's asked around, wouldn't hurt to question him and find out."

"Alright, I'll do that." she said taking the notebook. "Hard to believe that one girl can have so many people wanting to kill her all within weeks of each other."

John shrugged, "she just got herself into bad situations. One doing the wrong thing and the other doing the right thing, she couldn't have known."

Carter pursed her lips, "no I guess we can't help what gets thrown at us."

No we can't he thought, "nice work detective." he said softly his eyes strong.

She couldn't see the usual dance and finally came to the conclusion it was all in her head and she made a bigger deal of it than needed and finally she smiled, "it's my job."

"Of course, and you do it well." he said turning to leave.

"John."

He turned to her then, she was biting her lips as if she wanted to say something, as if she expect him to say something. He was actually afraid of what she might say. "detective?" He wouldn't break, he couldn't, he couldn't risk hurting her. He couldn't live with hurting someone else.

"Never mind, keep Nadia safe." she couldn't bring it up, she couldn't expose herself like that. She was being a coward now she realized, but she just wasn't ready for John Reese. She smiled at him again and then she got into her car.

He watched her for a second longer before he was also walking away. The smartest thing he'd done in the past four days, but then he'd walked away from Jessica and that did her no good. If he was with her, he could've protected her, could've had a life different from this one, but then who would've saved Carter? And Nadia? And all the others he'd helped? Was walking away really that beneficial as he wanted to believe or was he just a coward?

TBC

Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I rewrote this chapter a few times, because I didn't know whether or not I wanted to go this path and possibly lose anyone reading this story. I will pull a total fourteen year old first time fanfic moment here and use lyrics within my chapter. If you guys stop reading I will totally understand. 'Everyones Taken' is a joke between me and a friend (I asked him to help me with a band name and he said 'I don't know everyones taken') and it is not a real band, if it is I've never heard of you and wish you all the best. Now I had like twenty songs I wanted to use, but these four fit the fluffy angst like mood I had in mind. This is long chapter simply because I cheated by copy and pasting lyrics. Take comfort in that I will not using all of the lyrics, just parts, I will let you assume the song is being played out fully. Please forgive me and keep reading!

I have to apologize for the horror that was chapter 5, I honestly don't know what was wrong with me for putting up a chapter so full of errors. Anyway I did go back and fix the ones that I caught. Thank you to all of you who are reviewing, it makes my day and inspires me to keep writing.

Songs used in this chapter that I don't own at all:

Skinny Love: Bon Iver  
>Steal His Heart: Emily and the Woods<br>Heartbeats: The Knife/ Jose Gonzalez (but I like the Jose Gonzalez version better)  
>1901: Phoenix (but the Birdy cover is the one I had mind)<p>

**Aubade**

_And my love is yours but your love's not mine  
><em>_So I'll go but we know I'll see you down the line  
><em>_And we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we find  
><em>_And I'm feeling fine, we've made it to the coastline_

_-Featherstone by The Paper Kites_

II

Chapter 6

John watched as Nadia wiped the tables off at the coffee shop she worked, it was decent sized place, with a full bar for all those who liked a drink with their coffee (a new emerging trend in the city of establishments with the extra funds to get a liquor license), comfortable sofas strewn about, scattered chairs and tables, it was very modern vintage. Dressed casually in skinny jeans and a over sized white tee shirt with black waist apron on she was still something to look at. He'd been watching her for almost a month now in that time he saw Elias six times, two of those were actual meetings with her. He suspected that Elias had his own people keeping an eye on her. But he was glad to have something to do, the entire week they had no new number. John didn't particularly like violence but when it called for it he would be lying if he didn't enjoy punching someone's teeth in if they deserved it. This was a change, no one has tried to hurt Nadia since Mattoon. Carter couldn't get much out of Mattoon before he lawyered up, he was still going to spend sometime in cell for the unregistered gun he had on him. Mattoon met a very unfortunate accident once he was booked, a cell fight left him in a coma, leaving their only source for any information on Elias silenced. He had a feeling that he wasn't the only one looking out for her with something to gain, she did have a stalker aiming to take over the city.

They did have the notebook that Mattoon kept, and the photos, Finch had downloaded the contents of his computer on to his private server before the police took it for evidence. Nadia was only asked some simple question by Carter for show, as she was filled in on what really happened, she played her part perfectly. The case was wrapped in no time, now they just needed Mattoon to wake up. He and Carter were back to normal, with easy banter and her disapproving his breaking the rules. Neither brought up what happened that night and he assumed that it will never be brought up again. He was going to make sure to steer clear of that.

He had eyes on the shop and installed sound inside on his visit the day before (decent coffee as well), and Finch hacked into their security cameras so they had eyes on the inside. "Mr. Reese are you there?"

John pulled the camera away from his eyes, "I'm here Finch." His interest perked up when he saw Will Ingram walking into Nadia's coffee shop. Finding the register where the order was taken. "Finch are you there?"

"Umm yes Mr. Reese, I was just checking in, but I can see that nothing is happening." With that he ended the call, leaving John to almost smile. It's not that he enjoyed watching Finch squirm but he liked to know who he was working for, so far the smaller man seemed alright, but he knew he had secrets, Will Ingram being one of those secrets.

"What can I get you?" she asked him with the same chipper she had for all the customers.

He looked at her a smile playing on his handsome face. "Um just a coffee is good." he said, "unless you have some suggestion."

Nadia licked her lips, and smiled. "well you can have a latte if you like coffee with your milk, but if you're really feeling adventurous today you can always order an ice coffee." Making O's with her lips, "it's coffee with ice!"

Will laughed softly, "I'm feeling very adventures today, I'll have the iced coffee then."

Nadia smiled, "I'm sorry I don't know why I'm being such a snark."

"It was funny and clever sales pitch, and I did ask for suggestion, even though there is giant chalkboard of suggestions to choose from."

"Was it really? I would think most people would find me rude. But then you're right about the board," she said pushing hair our of her face.

He bit his lip and smiled again, "I think you're funny."

She smiled again then she walked away to get him his drink, but he watcher her the whole time. John chuckled to himself, now things are getting interesting he thought to himself and he wondered what Finch would do now that Will Ingram was smitten by their main play against Elias. And Will was smitten, because many years ago he had that same look on his face the first time he met Jessica. He watched others fall in love, build a connection, get married, have a family all things that he will never have, sometimes this work did wear on him in that way. He knew that Finch wouldn't confide in him and of course Finch didn't know that he knew that the Will and Finch knew each other well, that would give away the fact that he was looking into Finch.

She returned placing a large simple tall glass filled with ice and coffee. "That'll be $5.50."

Will handed her a ten and smiled, taking a place at the bar next to the register. "What happens if I don't like it?"

She thought for a second placing his change next to the glass, as she leaned against the counter behind the bar, "Well with all adventures there is a chance of that, so it's a risk you'll have to take, worst case scenario for you is that you'll have wasted some coffee beans, water, milk and sugar, and oh yeah $5.50 for the over priced drink that you didn't enjoy."

"Are you this straight forward with all your customers or am I just special." He asked unable to keep his smile at bay. But then he seemed like the easy going hippie type with a dark past that smiled all the time.

She laughed, "I'm sorry, I'm being so snarky and I don't even know why." she shook her head, "when I was backpacking around South East Asia I encountered many situations where the risk wasn't worth the trouble, and some that I was so happy I took the chance, i.e squid chips."

Will finally took a sip, looking her in the eyes said "it was worth it."

She smiled and bit her lip, "What happened to your arm there?"

Will looked down at the bandage. "I just got back from Sudan."

"Sudan, huh."

They fell into easy conversation, Will telling her about his travels and time with the red cross and peace corp, about Sudan. She informed him of her current enrollment in the Md/PhD program, and hopes of someday working as a doctor without borders. John remembered a time when it was that easy to be open, to talk about the future, about plans that possibly might include the person listening.

"What made you come back to the glamourous USA?" she asked.

Will looked thoughtful the first time in the past fifteen minutes he didn't smile, "Just wanted to be home for a while, have to deal with some things."

She nodded, "I get that." Will smiled again and so did she.

"Miss. Ali is quite the charmer isn't she?" asked Finch.

John smiled, "That she is Finch. Is something bothering you?"

Finch touched his glasses nervously, "No," but it seemed unsure. He couldn't really tell John what was happening. Finch sighed quietly. "I'm fine Mr. Reese. I'm not sure that her getting involved with someone right now is such a good idea."

John chuckled, "Finch they're just talking not planning to get married and have fifteen kids on a farm somewhere."

"I realize that Mr. Reese, perhaps you should inform Miss. Ali of the dangers." Finch realized that he had nothing to worry about yet, and as impressed as he was with Nadia, she was trouble, she attracted trouble like bees to honey, he just couldn't take the chance here, not with Will.

"Alright Finch." John ended the call and continued on, after about an hour he walked into the coffee shop.

Nadia who had been talking to Will the entire time in between customers perked up and smiled at him. "Hey."

John smiled, "Hi."

"Finally thirsty are we?" she asked, knowing that he was around somewhere.

"You can say that." said John looking at Will who didn't seemed all that pleased with their interaction. He could see how it could be misleading. "A coffee please."

"Black, I know."

"I'm sure you do, you're a very capable barista after all."

Nadia rolled her eyes, "to stay or to go?" or in his case linger in corners watching her.

"To stay, don't really have anything better to do." he said pulling out his wallet.

She laughed, "Thanks." placing the cup of coffee in front of him and taking the cash he handed her.

"You can keep the change." he smiled at her once more before picking up his cup and heading to the corner of the shop where he had a good view of everything.

"Shout if you need anything, something to read." she yelled from the bar.

"A friend of yours?" asked Will.

She laughed then, "I guess you can say that, we cross paths a lot." she looked to where John smiled as if he head, and knowing him he probably did.

The afternoon passed rather quickly as John recalled, before he knew it was evening and the coffee shop was rather packed. Nadia chatted with Will who hung on her every word, he could almost see Finch chewing his lips off. Towards the middle corner of the shop there was a small stage with stereos, microphones, a drum set and a lone keyboard he had noticed earlier. As the other staff moved chairs around and brought out extra chair to be set up around the stage, he figured there was going to be live music. A young waitress smiled at him and placed a beer in front of him, "Nadia said you ordered this." she batted her eyelashes and walked away when he told her to pass on the thanks. Moments later a tall skinny man took the stage, he wore jeans that were way too tight for John's taste, and a hip tee shirt and scarf around his neck, thick glass sat on his nose, and he had a full trimmed beard. He said hello into the mic and introduced himself as the owner.

"Welcome to our open mic night, as you know every week we encourage up and coming artist to share their music with us and inspire as all." said the owner of the little coffee shop, he looked at the crowd and smiled, "I'm really happy to introduce to you our very own Nadia as our first artist tonight." the fair sized crowd clapped, John was once again surprised by her. Nadia took the stage guitar in hand, smiling.

"You have to excuse Chris he's misleading you into thinking I can actually sing, but since tonight we didn't have an opening band, I decided to play karaoke until our real guest 'Everyones taken' shows up. Hope you guys won't boo too much and still leave a nice tip for my co-workers." she said pushing her hair out of her face, eyes landing on Will.

It was after 7, the sun had disappeared but the sky was just darkening from a blue to a purple navy, the atmosphere changing into a cozy mellowness with the dimmed lights and candles being lit. Cater walked in as scheduled from their last conversation and stood next to him behind the coffee shop turn bar, his corner was dark and away from prying eyes. "What's she up to?"

"She's gonna sing for us." stated John looking at her from the corner of his eyes. She was in a more casual attire, of course because it was saturday night, her usual trousers and silk shirts were replaced with a slim khaki chinos that were rolled up fashionably around her ankles, and a loose turquoise colored drapy tee shirt under a white cardigan, her usual badge replaced by a long silver picture locket necklace. She was even wearing a little more make up than usual and traded in her sensible work heels for ballet flats. Seeing her this relaxed, he wondered about her day. Ever since they started this little adventure of keeping surveillance on Nadia at all times, he'd been missing out on keeping an eye on her.

"I'll be playing Skinny Love, by Bon Iver to start." Nadia said looking out into the crowd, her eyes catching her constant stalkers, but she was actually comforted by having them around, she smiled towards John before quickly turning away. If it weren't for John she'd be dead, and detective Carter wasn't bad either, she liked a sister that kept it real. It was funny and maybe a little sad that she was starting to think of them as her friends.

Carter's raised eyebrow as Nadia started to strum the strings on the guitar, her fingers moving gracefully over the frets, had him smiling. The dimmed lights made the atmosphere almost romantic, she took in his appearance as well, the man looked good in just about anything, even in a faded tee shirt and jeans. Looking towards the bar she motioned for a glass of wine and caught his amused look.

"_Come on skinny love, just last the year..._"

"What, you can have a beer and I can't have a drink?"

"You can have whatever you want detective." he said looking her in the eyes, lips turned ever so slightly into a smile. He let himself have that one, this was as far as he was gonna go. But the look on her face was priceless.

"_Pour a little salt, we were never here  
><em>_My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my..._" Nadia sang softly as her fingers worked the strings of the guitar, she opened her eyes and looked at Will and a smile formed on her lips. She didn't know why but the guy made her feel giddy and stupid. He was charming and handsome, and from what she gathered smart and kind, why wouldn't she like him? But she didn't think she deserved anyone, how would she explain all that she had done? Who would understand and still want to touch her? "_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer..._"

Carter smiled, "she's really good." turning to face John who was already looking at her. Suddenly she felt shy as if his gaze had burned her, and it had. Lately with the time they'd been spending moments like this unnerved her, all the unspoken thoughts stunted her. They had ignored what happened the night of the opera, but it was still in the fore front of her brain. "_I tell my love to wreck it all  
><em>_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall  
><em>_My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
><em>_Right at the moment this order's tall_" Nadia's voice in the background singing softly made her lose herself even more in his intensity.

"_And I told you to be patient  
><em>_And I told you to be fine  
><em>_And I told you to be balanced  
><em>_And I told you to be kind_"

"She's has so much going for her." Carter said clearing her throat as she picked up her wine glass. "It's too bad she's wrapped in so much shit."

"_And in the morning, I'll be with you  
><em>_But it will be a different kind  
><em>_'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets  
><em>_And you'll be owning all the fines_"

"_Now all your love is wasted?  
><em>_Then who the hell was I?  
><em>_Now I'm breaking at the britches  
><em>_And at the end of all your lines_"

"_...Who will love you?  
><em>_Who will fight?  
><em>_Who will fall far behind?...Come on Skinny love...my my my my_" She finished the song with the audience clapping softly with a few praises here and there. She took a couple of sips of her drink and giggled speaking into the mic again. "I hope no hard core Bon Iver fan will try to beat me up later for butchering that song." the crowd chuckled softly.

"We'll get her out, she'll become a great doctor and travel the world helping people like she wants." stated John. It was the first time Carter realized that he actually care what happened to the people he helped, not that she thought him to be cold and uncaring, but this was the first time they we're really doing this together. She smiled, she felt the same, after keeping in eye on her and getting to know her, she wanted to protect her as well, but there was a small sinking feeling as to why John was so fascinated with Nadia. Why wouldn't he be interested, Nadia was beautiful, young, smart and talented to no ends. But the idea still made Carter uneasy and the fact that it made her uneasy made her uneasy. Good lord she was confusing herself.

"Have you guys heard of Emily and the Woods?" Nadia asked, someone from the crowd cheered, and she smiled, "well the next one is by her called Steal his heart." Her eyes lingering on Will again. "_Get in my boat  
><em>_We'll sail away  
><em>_I've always been scared, scared of the sea  
><em>_I'll give you some string, you'll find your way home  
><em>_And I will be waiting when you return._"

"Yeah we will." she finally agreed with him. "She deserves more. She's worked for it, paid her dues."

"But then Joss, the world isn't fair, we can only try to do right by her." He said, the eternal pessimism lurking within him.

"_I can't steal his heart, but I can steal back mine  
><em>_I can steal back mine,  
><em>_I can steal back mine.  
><em>_I can't steal his heart, but I can steal back mine._"

"I feel out of place all of sudden." She changed the subject, she didn't know how to comfort him, the fact that she wanted to comfort him was scary, what would she say and because she had similar thoughts so instead opted to humiliate herself by revealing it's been ages since she did anything like this or the fact that it's been ages since she had a date. "It's been a long time since I've been out, but then this is work, I guess."

"I have a hard time believing a beautiful, smart woman like you having trouble finding a man. Maybe you're not looking carefully enough." He said.

"_Stand on the shore  
><em>_Arm is outstretched  
><em>_The stars, in their heavens, are doing their best.  
><em>_He calls my name, and I meet his eyes,  
><em>_Now I have lived I might as well die._"

"What...um well it's not that I don't get offered. Just not by the right men." she said clearing her throat which went dry even with the wine she was sipping.

"What about Szymanski?" he asked, this was his chance for some answers, answers he didn't realize he was looking for. He liked making her uncomfortable, she made adorable faces and when she couldn't get out of it, aggression pushed forward.

"What about him?" she asked pushing her lips out with attitude, but her eyes were saying something completely different.

"_Takes off my crown,  
><em>_Throws it to the sky,  
><em>_And we are emblazoned, as bright lights we'll thrive.  
><em>_Oh, we will thrive._"

John looked down at her, "it seemed like there was chemistry there."

Carter was taken aback, she looked him her eyes widening just a little. Was he really asking her what she thought he was asking her? "Nothing happened there." she almost said 'cause you got him shot,' but that would be taking it too far. "We are just friends, he's a good guy." She shrugged relaxing again. "I haven't found anyone that I felt like getting lost with in a long time."

He knew what kind of lost she meant, the kind where the world didn't matter, nothing did really. He had that once with Jessica, that week in Mexico could have been anywhere and he wouldn't have noticed anything but her. There is a sense of peace in being that lost. The thought that he could get that lost with Carter was unnerving for him. He had entertained thoughts about her, thought that he never intended to act out in reality, but he did let himself get lost with her in the few nights he wasn't having nightmares.

"_...__I can't steal his heart, but I can steal back mine.  
><em>_Steal back mine._" Nadia finished softly eyes opening. "I hope that wasn't too hard on you guys."

"You're beautiful!" some yelled from the back. Carter turned to look at the group of guys laughing, she pursed her lips and raised a brow an amused look playing on her face, she finally smiled as the small crowd cheered softly in agreement.

"Thanks guys. Now this song is actually a cover of a cover, but I'm going with the softer Jose Gonzalez Version. Heartbeats." she clipped the first fret. "_One night to be confused  
><em>_One night to speed up truth  
><em>_We had a promise made  
><em>_Four hands and then away_"

"She's really setting the mood." said Carter looking around as couples cozied together the general atmosphere charging with something. She felt her skin tingle with it.

"_Both under influence  
><em>_We had divine scent  
><em>_To know what to say  
><em>_Mind is a raz__or blade_"

John didn't say anything as he looked on amused. She was nervous, he could feel it radiating off her. He never thought that this case was going to cause him such confusion. But then maybe it had nothing to do with the case and everything to do with the woman in front of him.

"_One night of magic rush  
><em>_The start a simple touch  
><em>_One night to push and scream  
><em>_And then relief..._" Nadia watched John and Carter briefly, suddenly the idea that they had chemistry of some sort played into her head, she had spent enough time with them together to have noticed the banter, the way John looked at the woman, and the way Carter watched him.

"_Ten days of perfect tunes  
><em>_The colors red and blue  
><em>_We had a promise made  
><em>_We were in love..._" She smiled at the thought of the two of them falling in love while trying to protect her, it was almost romance novel material, she looked at Will who sat with a fist to his lips a smile on his face and eyes on her. Maybe she did live in a romance novel and everything will work out in the end and everyone will be happy. But she knew reality to be much crueler.

"_And you, you knew the hands of the devil  
><em>_And you, kept us awake with wolf teeth  
><em>_Sharing different heartbeats  
><em>_In one night_"

John noticed her soundless tapping on the table, only it wasn't following the beats to the song, he gently placed his larger one over hers, a spark ran through him at the contact, her head snapped towards him, eyes all questions, "Relax, just enjoy it. Technically it's your night off."

She was speechless, she looked down at his hand covering her smaller one. He was so warm that she could feel her palms starting to sweat. She finally snapped and took a breath and rolled eyes, to which he smiled and lifted his hand.

"_To call for hands of above  
><em>_To lean on  
><em>_Wouldn't be good enough  
><em>_For me, no..._" she finished off the last notes, eyes connected to Will the whole time. She cleared her throat placing the guitar on its stand she stood from the stool she was sitting on.

"My last song of the night will be 1901 by the Phoenix," she said now standing in front of a keyboard. "_Counting all different ideas drifting away  
><em>_Past and present, they don't matter now the future's sorted out  
><em>_Watch her move in elliptical patterns  
><em>_Think it's not what you say, what you say is way too complicated  
><em>_For a minute, though, I couldn't tell how to fall out__._"

Carter had taken a notice that Nadia was constantly looking at Will and occasionally looking their way. "Who is the guy?"

"A very interested suitor." John said simply.

"_It's twenty seconds 'til the last call  
><em>_Calling hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey  
><em>_Lie down, you know it's easy  
><em>_Like we did it all the summer long_"

Carter tried to read him, to see if there was any sound of aggression or irritation. Could he be jealous of the younger man, that Nadia obviously was paying a lot of attention to. But then she looked towards them a lot as well. Was all this a game between John and Nadia, was the girl trying to gage a reaction from him? Why on earth did she care? Why was she thinking like a bad teen soap-drama?

"_Girlfriend, you know your girlfriend's drifting away  
><em>_Past and present, 1855-1901  
><em>_Watch them build up a material tower  
><em>_Think it's not gonna stay anyway  
><em>_Think it's overrated  
><em>_For a minute, thought I couldn't tell how to fall out_"

"You seem worried detective."

Carter snapped out of berating herself. She didn't know why she was acting so childish. She was a grown woman who knew how to handle herself, she didn't get fazed by a man and his possible relationship to a beautiful young girl. She was scaring herself with how much she cared. That knowledge that she'd been pushing back, that she was indeed interested in John Reese was pushing through and was about to crack to the surface. "I'm good."

John wasn't convinced, and neither was she. She needed to deal with this before it got out of hand, and Jocelyn Carter was never out of control.

"_And I'll be anything you ask and more  
><em>_Going hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey  
><em>_It's not a miracle we needed  
><em>_No, I wouldn't let you think so...falling, falling, falling..._" She smiled and clapped with the audience. "Thanks everyone for listening, and now for some real music, by real musicians 'Everyones Taken' ladies and gentlemen!" She said as she stood and clapped, the four man band taking the stage and each hugging her and congratulating her.

Will walked up to her once she got off the small stage. "have dinner with me."

Nadia smiled, "just like that? You met me about four hours ago, you don't know what kind of person I am."

"I want to know what kind of person you are that's why I'm asking you to have dinner with me," he said leaning against the bar, "unless you have someone already. Please say no."

She laughed and pursed her lips, "No, and yes I'll have dinner with you. If I don't you might cry."

"I just might." he laughed. "But how about we start to get to know each other now by having a drink then we'll figure out dinner?"

Nadia nodded. They moved to the other end of the room and sat down. "That's not good, is it?" Carter asked watching the exchange, but there was a small part of her that was a little relieved.

As Finch watched on the edge of his seat, biting his lips nervously he couldn't agree with Carter more. Having Will get involved in all this was the last thing he wanted, he needed to make sure he stayed safe, he had to do at least that much for Nathan. How was he gonna get Will out of this situation without explaining things to him. He pinched the bridge of his nose, this case was getting more and more complicated. What were the chances that in hundreds of coffee shops he had to walk into the one she worked in? He sighed, he needed a plan, a plan that didn't involve Reese.

"It's not bad, her moving on might be just what we need to get some blood from Elias, which is evidence." John said nonchalantly taking another sip of his beer. "He's done a good job of stomping out anything we get on him."

Carter sighed, "that he did. I was really hoping that Mattoon kid was gonna be the big break."

John looked down at her, "Well get something on him, but from now on we also have to work under the assumption that he knows just what we're doing."

Carter drank the last of her wine, contemplating whether having another was a good idea. She looked at him and nodded, "I was thinking the same thing, he's got his rats all over the city, I have no doubt that Mattoon's accident was all Elias."

"We have to start thinking two steps ahead of his five, he's a calculating man. Even when it comes to her." said John looked towards Nadia. "But I'm gonna gamble on her being his down fall. Everyone has an Achilles heel."

Carter saw the determination in his eyes, he wanted to catch Elias as much as she did, there was something about Elias and John, she had thought about this when John had told her that he'd called Elias for help in finding Leila. They seemed almost acquainted, familiar. She knew that he kept things from her, and probably for the best, since she couldn't approve all that he did. She still didn't know where he and Finch got their information, but she had learned to trust them, maybe that was her Achilles heel.

"John, did anything happen between you and Nadia?" she found herself ask even before she was asking.

John looked just as taken back by her question as she was in asking it. He recovered quickly and simply answered. "No, I don't mix work with pleasure, she's just someone I want to keep alive."

She should've felt better by hearing that but she didn't. His answer also made her someone who he saved because he was doing what ever Jesus like work he was doing. She meant no more or less than him saving Zoe Morgan or Nadia. She should take a page out of his book and act professional, but the man did things to her mind that she couldn't explain to herself. "Good." Was all she answered and they fell into silence.

John knew all too well what he had said, and what effect he wanted to drive home, because letting her know that she meant more to him was dangerous for both him and her. He was willing to be misunderstood by her once again as he was before she joined them, as he was when she bought Snow to him. Somethings were better left this way, where he didn't have to worry about her night and day. But he knew he would anyway.

At about ten the Nadia and Will moved on from the coffee shop. Carter and John following quietly behind them. Carter hated that now it took effort to be normal with him, to hide the things that she was worried about concerning him. Not that she was afraid to speak her mind, no, if she thought something was wrong she'd say so and defend it to the end, but this was personal, and she was only on board with all of this for catching Elias. That was the end goal and she didn't want to deter from that. Once she had Elias she would part ways with John and go back to being a cop, being normal.

They walked a few blocks into east village. Keep a good half block distance between Nadia and Will. John could see all the emotions passing over her face, she was unguarded now, she didn't even realize it. He took pleasure in knowing that she could be so open without knowing it. Even with the tension, he felt happy to be walking with her next to him. They had stopped on 2nd Ave. around St. Marks.

"When I asked you to dinner having tacos from San Locos wasn't what I had in mind." said Will holding the taco wrapped in foil.

Nadia rolled her eyes, "you can impress me some other time, now I just want to have my taco with their amazing stupid sauce." she took a huge bite eye getting wide eyed then she smiled with a mouthful.

Will laughed as he took a bite out of his cheap and greasy tacos, but they were probably the best damn tacos he's ever had as he watched her. "You're a monster when you eat."

Nadia pretended to be offended then laughed, "you have no idea."

They watched her from across the street, Carter looked around behind her and smiled, "you know dinner doesn't sound bad. I'm gonna grab a slice, do you want one?" she asked John who continued to aloofly watch Nadia and Will, she was amazed at how good he was in blending in and getting away with stalking people right under their noses.

"I usually don't eat on the job, but sure why not." he said turning to Carter then over her head at the pizzeria. "What would you like detective?"

Carter smiled as she started to cross the street over the pizzeria on the corner of St. Marks and Second Ave. John followed. She ordered a pepperoni and John had the same even paying for the slices of pizza, they stood in front of the store and ate. She looked up at John and smiled, "You got a little grease there." she pointed to her own mouth. When john failed to get it, she just sucked her tongue and rubbed her thumb from the corner of his mouth past his bottom lip, he stopped chewing for a second as their eyes locked and then she laughed nervously hand dropping quickly. "I'm so used to doing it for Taylor, guess that's what happens to you when you become a mother." her finger rubbing the grease on the balled up napkins in her hand.

John smiled at her but didn't say anything, didn't acknowledge the thump in his chest or how he wanted to laugh at her that moment and tell her that it was alright. "Taylor's a good kid."

Carter stopped to look at him and then she smiled softly and nodded. "yeah, he is."

"You raise him well, I imagine that it wasn't easy being alone." he said.

It was hard and she probably couldn't have done it without her mother, she thanked god everyday that woman was still alive. "It was hard but I had help, I made it, and now if the boy doesn't knock up a girl and makes it to college, I can stop worrying a little."

"He'll be fine, and even if he does knock up a girl I'm sure you'll be able to handle it. The worry will never go away you know that." He said throwing the paper plate into the trash, and wiping his mouth with a napkin. He wanted to tell her she wasn't alone, that he'd be there whether it was in the shadows or in the light he'd be there for both of them.

Carter laughed, she shook her head and looked at him again. "He better not knock a girl up, I will kill him."

John smiled, his eyes drifting over her soft features, when she laughed her eyes lit up. "I'll probably have to prevent that. This is premeditation." She laughed even harder. His eyes went to where Nadia was still with Will they were laughing as well, and suddenly he felt just a little normal as he smiled.

They followed the couple through the east village, before somehow they ended up in East River park. The night a cool yet lively one even at midnight. The sky was clear and the city lights replaced the stars. It was a perfect place for new lovers to start something.

Carter stood next to John as they watched from a distance, Will cupping Nadia's face, her hands wrapping around one of his wrist as he kissed her. It was one of those nervous yet electrifying first kisses. She looked around trying to give them privacy. John smiled at her consideration and took note of her uneasiness. "I didn't take you for a prude."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not, but I don't like lurking in the shadows watching people make out like a creep."

"Are you saying I'm a creep." he asked with a raised eyebrow. She gave him that look he loved, lips pouted. He stepped closer to her, "if it's about what people will think, we can always join them."

Her eyes widen, looking up at him she could see the dance in his eyes. The cocky bastard, he was teasing her, watching her squirm, she took a step closer almost silently accepting his challenge, she had a feeling if she pushed, he'd retreat. "What did you have in mind?"

The corner of his mouth twisted up, of course she wouldn't back down from a challenge. But then neither did he, this being a very dangerous challenge. But those were his specialties. "Don't start something you can't finish Joss."

"I don't intent to, John." she said her arms crossed over her chest, she was anger now, she was defensive. She was tired of the games. She wanted a straight answer and she knew she wasn't going to get one. "I'm heading home, it's late and I'm sure you can handle the love birds."

"Giving up already?" he asked, why he was baiting her he didn't know, he could see the turmoil in her eyes, the fire of anger burning in her dark eyes.

She stepped up closer to him this time, almost a breath away. "I'm not playing John, don't piss me off!" with that she turned on her heels and walked away. He wanted to stop her, he didn't want to play this game with her either, he knew he was hurting her, but how could he act? He couldn't ask her to come the whole way to him, it wasn't fair but he could meet her half way. He just couldn't let himself hurt her more than he already had. He was making a mess of a situation that he didn't know how to fix or get out of.

TBC

Please Review!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Oh my god I love Finch so much more than I already did after seeing last week's episode. I'm also glad for the direction the show is going in, it was a path I was thinking of going as well so I'm just going to connect bits and pieces of the show with my story. Polica is one of my favorite jams at the moment (wrote a lot of this story listening to her) so happy it was used in POI, you guys should check out the official video for the song used in the show Amongster, it's haute! Very fitting for Finch's ecstasy trip, but a good choice to tie up the ending. Sorry for taking so long with the update, I actually moved this past weekend, and thought I could have taken the time to post it since I had most of the body typed up, but the stress of life just lazied me out.

A thanks to the reviewer called Word, I was totally thinking that 'stalk' didn't make sense and even googled it and type stake in to google but typed stalk in the chapter and every time I read it over, I was like why does that sound weird? Brain fart apparently, anyway thank you for pointing it out. And a general thanks to all of you who take the time to review, I really appreciate it and love to read your comments, a real motivation for writing confidently and I do hope that you guys enjoy it.

I don't really like the ff.n page breaks and the ones I like using always get deleted by ff.n, that's why I haven't been using any. But I want you guys to enjoy and not get confused with overlapping thoughts so I decided to use the ff.n page breaks, hope it helps!

I finally have a beta reader! Yay! Thanks to maddsgirl75 for taking on this daunting task of correcting my horrible grammar! She did an amazing job!

I recommend reading the last bit with John and Carter while listening to this song, I think it really sets the mood.

_Amongst the trees, amongst my freedom  
><em>_My hands are red, I have been bleeding  
><em>_What will happen, what will happen when I seduce you, teacher  
><em>_Yes to greyhound rides, no to you by my side  
><em>_I don't need you, I don't need anyone  
><em>_Come back  
><em>_Come back_

_-Amongster by Polica_

II

Chapter 7

Carter had been glaring at her steering wheel for so long her head was now pounding. She didn't know why she was so angry or why she had lost control like that. She prided herself in being patient and in control at all times but John Reese continuously pushed her buttons, and she let him. She indulged him and now she was paying for it. "Shit!" She cursed softly. She was too old for this. She shook her head glaring at the steering wheel again. She was too tired for this. She knew that she was angry because she had wanted something from him, something she couldn't even say out loud but she knew the truth. She had wanted him to kiss her.

Looking at the time on her dash board she sighed, it was already almost half past one. She needed to get home, go to bed, and forget about all of this. She's a grown woman with more important things to do than be conflicted over John fucking Reese.

* * *

><p>Nadia walked to her door with a smile, it was early morning when she and Will parted reluctantly. As she pulled her keys out, she heard him. "You should be more careful."<p>

"John, didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people?" She asked, her hand on her chest. "Am I not being careful enough? I do have my very own secret body guard to protect me."

"Sorry, comes with the job." John simply shrugged.

At this point it was pretty normal for her to find him lurking around somewhere. "You should be prepared for anything, like a surprise attack from the shadows."

Nadia rolled her eyes as she opened the door and walked in to her apartment. John followed her in and closed the door. Her apartment was a decent sized place for a Manhattan brownstone. The door opened into a long white hallway. The first opening led into the kitchen to the right and a little further down was the living room to the left, and the bathroom straight ahead. He followed her into the kitchen which was roomy with a rustic looking blue table and two white chairs. The kitchen looked like it had been renovated to Nadia's liking from the appliances to the modest island in the middle of the room. The living room was big and airy with high windows and on the right the bedroom door opened up. Her apartment was a happy mix of antique modern with a lot of white and blues and very tastefully decorated. It was a calming place he thought.

She took off her jacket hanging it on the hook in the hallway and faced him. Ignoring his last statement because she reasoned that even he knew how ridiculous it sounded when said out loud "So are you saying that now I can't like a guy like a normal girl? I mean come on, in any other situation, any other girl and that guy would be in here half naked by now."

John smiled, "I'm just saying be careful Nadia. You know that there is someone after you, and while I can protect you, who will be protecting him?"

She folded her arms over her chest. "Aren't you like the dark knight, can't you save us both?" She knew she was being difficult. "I like him John, I don't normally indulge in this kind of thing. Are you telling me the stupid mistakes I've made will cost me a guy like him?"

"Sometimes we can't control what happens to us, but we _can_ control what we do about it." He said.

She sighed walking over to a cabinet, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. "John, it's not fair. I've never felt like this so fast before. I can't stop smiling around him." She poured their whiskey assuming he would take his neat. "You have no idea how long it's been since I felt this giddy, felt my heart race, my stomach doing flips." She handed him a glass and took a long sip, twisting her face from the effect of it. "I know I just met him today but I already can't wait to see him, which is crazy 'cause it's only been about a half hour since I last saw him."

John took a sip of his own drink, he knew the feeling well. "It's not safe for him to be involved with you, at least not right now."

"Sorry, I don't mean to pull you into an episode of 'girlfriends', I'm sure you don't want to hear all of this. It's just that…. I like him John. I can't help but think in some small way that I deserve to be selfish this once and think of myself. Although he might not even want anything to do with me once I tell him about my glamorous past." She sighed.

She did deserve it, he thought, as much as he knew about her he had already made a conclusion that she was a good person. Her heart was in the right place, helping her family, building a life for herself with what she could. "I'm sure he'll understand, and you do deserve to have a chance at happiness."

She looked up at him, "John?" He looked at her then and realized that she was slowly becoming dare he say it…a friend? Definitely someone he cared about, someone he wanted to make sure was alright, someone he could confide in. It wasn't the same uncertainty of feelings as he had with Carter. With Nadia, it was clear that he felt a paternal love for the girl, an actual big brother type, which just confused him about his feelings about Carter. He wasn't stupid, he realized that he had feelings for the woman; he just didn't know how it had happened or what to do about it.

"How did you get into this line of business?" Her question interrupted his thoughts.

John took another sip and then chuckled softly. "I just happened to stumble upon it."

She wrinkled her nose and moved the short distance to her couch with John following behind her but stopping in the doorway. "Why do you do it? You didn't know me. You didn't have to help me. What makes you want to risk your life for someone you don't even know?"

"Can't someone just want a better place, isn't that what you and Will talked about?" He asked, leaning against the opening to the living room.

"It's not the same…" She paused cocking her head to the side. "…and I gotta say, it's creepy that you can hear everything I say…but you put yourself in danger on purpose. Not everyone actually wants to save the world, it's easier to do something small to ease the guilt but if it came down to it…between your life and someone else's, most people choose themselves." She looked at him pointedly. "You do it to punish and to redeem yourself, don't you?"

"What makes you say that?" He asked her quietly.

"Because I can relate to it…if only on a miniscule level. You think that you deserve the pain. I don't doubt that you're a good man John, but we're human and we're motivated by personal gain or loss. So which is it for you? What are you trying to gain or what have you lost?"

He clenched his jaw before smiling, "Is it that black or white?" He asked her. She laughed softly. "Can't I just be the guy that's doing this because I want to save people?"

"You can be, but you're not. You're someone trying to make up for something, I see it in you. You want to make other people's lives better. Nothing is black or white, not even you wanting to be a superhero. But it's okay you don't have to tell me." She said, her eyes softening in understanding.

It occurred to him that damaged people saw things in each other that others didn't. Maybe _that's_ why she saw him this way. Maybe that's why he connected with Carter so well because even though she tried hard to escape it, she was damaged just like he was.

"I lost someone." He whispered. She nodded and didn't ask for more details but he found his lips moving on their own. "I do this because if there had been someone like me around then, she might still be alive today."

A silence filled the room suddenly, everything stood still then she broke it with putting her empty glass down on the coffee table. "Have you ever thought of it in the way that, her death enabled you to save so many other people. I'm assuming I'm not the first person to have your assistance." He hadn't thought of it that way, why would he? That would be selfish, wouldn't it? "Everything happens for a reason, and maybe some things have to happen in order for something new, possibly better suited to come along."

"That's one way of looking at things." He said before she continued.

"You may have lost her, but maybe you should think of what you've gained. Being selfless and helping others has room for self-preservation as well, John." She said as she stood picking up the empty glass, and grabbing his from his hand on her way back to the kitchen where she placed them in the sink. She was very neat and organized he noticed. She and Finch worked on the same wave length there, he thought.

"Want some breakfast?" She didn't wait for him to answer as she started to move around her kitchen, leaving him to look on and wonder about what she had said. If Jessica's death hadn't happened what were the realistic chances that they would have lived happily ever after? He would have always had to look over his shoulder and worry about her. In this life where her memory, her loss fueled his existence brought him fulfillment. It gave him a chance to see that the world wasn't full of shitty people, it had brought him to people like Nadia, and Carter. It gave him a chance to be something more; even if that more wasn't far from the darkness he lived in before.

"Do you like crepes?" She asked not really paying any attention to him as she continued to mix some ingredients in a bowl with a whisk. He didn't answer just watched; he wasn't really there. Too many things were occupying his mind at that moment.

"So...you and detective Carter."

That snapped him back to the present. "What about the detective?" He asked quietly. His voice held no inflection.

She smiled. "You have feelings for her." She simply stated as if she had just stated that the sky was blue.

He found himself asking again, "what makes you say that?" The girl was too observant and clever for her own good.

She rolled her eyes. "I see the chemistry between you both. Sometimes the sexual tension is so intense that it's hard to be around the two of you." she laughed. "I think she definitely likes you too."

"It's complicated." He stated, acknowledging that there was sexual tension between Carter and himself. "We're just colleagues."

"What _isn't_ complicated John? Relationships are complicated even when there isn't a relationship." She said, flipping the thin pancakes like a pro. "I suppose you wouldn't do things the normal way and just ask her out."

This was foreign territory he realized. It had been such a long time since he was 'normal' and could just ask someone to dinner. Then there was Finch who probably wouldn't be too open to the idea of him and Carter. Finally, there was Carter herself who probably wasn't looking for someone like him. They worked together and she was already being watched so closely because of her connection to him. He had no doubt that if they got involved romantically Snow would take care of her just as he had Jessica. He wouldn't risk it with Carter, not with Taylor in the picture. But what surprised him was that he wasn't denying the fact that he had feelings for Carter. He couldn't deny it because there _was_ something and whether it was just sexual or to alleviate the loneliness he felt sometimes, he didn't know.

"It's complicated." He repeated.

She placed a plate in front of him and a cup of coffee. Her eyes were tired not from being up all night but more so from their conversation.

"Some risks are worth taking." She said as she sat down at the table.

He looked at her as she dug into her crepes which were placed in the middle of a plate, folded perfectly with fresh strawberry and mascarpone filling, with a small drizzle of syrup around the plate and a mint leaf in the middle. She was a perfectionist he knew this about her now.

He stood still. "Not in this case."

"Eat John. Consider it my thank you for stalking me all day and night." She said with a smile and dropped the Carter thing. "You take care of people but who takes care of you?"

"Thanks." He didn't say anything more as he sat down, picked up his cutlery and dug in. They ate in silence and he thought that this was the first time in a long time he had sat down and had breakfast with someone. Sure, he and Finch were becoming 'close' but it never felt personal, it was all banter and work. This was nice and the crepes were delicious. Normal didn't have to be so elusive did it?

* * *

><p>Monday came too fast for Carter. She just didn't feel in the mood to go to work. It had been a long time since she felt like she didn't want to get out of bed. She figured everything was finally catching up to her, Szymanski, Elias, and the front runner John. She sighed as she walked towards her desk, she knew she was dragging. She felt such a weight on her shoulders and she hated that John hadn't called her. He didn't even try to apologize. But what did he have to apologize for? For pushing her buttons? He did that on a normal basis.<p>

"Detective Carter."

She looked up from the file that she was going to look through at the man standing at her desk. She remembered him, he was a federal agent. She had worked with him briefly during a political case. "How can I help you?"

"I'm special agent Donnelly, we worked the Delancy case last month." He said, extending a hand.

She nodded as she took his hand. "Yeah, I remember that. What brings you here?"

"You."

Her brows knit together, she didn't like the sound of this, and if her gut was right, then this had something to do with John. "Me? What I can do?"

"Can we talk somewhere more private?" He asked glancing over to Fusco who was looking over over them.

Carter eyed Fusco and gave him a nod. "Yeah, follow me."

Once they were in an empty office room, she looked at him expectantly. When he began to explain everything to her, she felt her heart drop to her stomach. The funny thing was when she should have been worried about whether they would know if she was involved she was worrying about John and about what would happen if they were to catch him. She pushed her thoughts away and told Donnelly that she'd meet him at his requested time and place to discuss the matter further. Everything from that moment on felt like she was in a daze and the only thing going through her mind was John.

When John walked into HQ later that day Finch turned towards him and he knew that the smaller man was unhappy about something. If his suspicions were right it had to be about Will Ingram or John's sudden closeness with Nadia.

"Good morning Finch."

"Do you think it's wise to be getting so close with Miss. Ali?" He asked.

John stopped and looked at him. "Don't worry Finch, I'm not planning on doing anything with her."

Finch turned back to his computer screens, "You know that's not what I meant. Getting too personal with her isn't wise."

"I know what I'm doing Finch, don't worry." Stated John flatly, ending the conversation. He knew that Finch had a right to be worried. He also knew that he was probably picked for his lack of human interactions but now with all the people he encountered he was starting to see that it was hard to always be impersonal, especially when he and Finch sometimes bulldozed into people's lives. "I've warned her about Will Ingram but I don't think she's the only one that needs a warning." He said cryptically, knowing full well that Finch would soon meet Will and make that clear to him as well.

Finch looked him and then continued. "We have another number. As you know the machine doesn't wait for us to wrap something up before we start another project."

John took the name and address. "You should keep an eye on Nadia while I'm out investigating. Have a coffee with her or something."

Finch just stared at John's back as he was walking out of the room. Harold supposed he could, but that would also mean that he would be exposing himself to her. Maybe he could talk her into not seeing Will again. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly he heard her phone call ringing in on one of his screens, he watched the screen with Nadia's apartment.

"Hello?" she asked with a smile on her lips.

"It's Will, Will Ingram."

"I know who it is." She said playfully. "Now the question is why Will is calling me."

He laughed on the other end. "Well, I was wondering if I could take the young lady out for brunch."

"You just want to watch me eat don't you?" She teased.

"Maybe, or maybe I just want to watch you." He said and then after a pause he continued. "That sounded incredibly creepy didn't it?"

She laughed, "It did but then it made me laugh so you get a point for that."

"So will I see you today?" He asked.

She looked down at her watch, "Well I have some studying to do but I suppose I can blow it off for a couple of hours."

"Good, I don't mean to be a bad influence on you but then I don't mind having an influence on you."

"Hmm, we'll see how much of an influence you are. Where should I meet you?" she asked.

"How about I pick you up?" He asked.

"Okay, I'm in Washington Heights." She said, "I'll text you the address."

"Okay. See you in 30 minutes?"

She laughed again. "Yeah, see you then." She hung up and bit her lips to keep herself from smiling. It didn't work. She typed her address and placed her phone on the coffee table before she did a little happy dance.

Finch sighed, maybe John was right about Will needing a warning as well. But how could he have that conversation without giving away that he kept tabs on him or his possible love interest? He sighed again as he prepared himself to follow Nadia and Will to brunch. He didn't often dread the work he took on but this was an extraordinary case involving the son of the man who inspired this work in the first place. The son who he considered to be his family.

Will was there exactly thirty minutes later knocking on her door. She laughed softly as she ran to the door but slowed (to a walk just before she reached it giving her a few seconds) to calm herself. She opened the door and smiled. "You're on time, that's good."

He smiled and shrugged. "I like to be on time. I hear it's a good habit."

She laughed. "This isn't a job interview. Come on in, I just have to grab my bag." She said waving him in. He walked in and looked around, taking everything in.

"I imagined you living in a place like this." He said softly, leaning against a door frame.

She picked up her purse and smiled at him. "You imagined my living situation in the past seven hours that we've been apart?"

"Maybe. Or it could have been the past ten minutes on my way here." He laughed as he took her hand and pulled her close. "I couldn't wait to see you."

She smiled. "Me either."

He leaned in and kissed her then, it was soft, not rushed and frantic. When she pulled away she finally came to the decision that she would tell him about her work as an escort. She liked him too much to wait and ruin this later, if they dealt with it now, they could move forward honestly. But she knew that telling him about her past also came with a big chance that he might reject her. "So where are we going?"

"I don't know…didn't think that far ahead." He shrugged.

She laughed. "How about we go to the Cloister's café? It's really nice this time of the year and we might even get a table."

"They have a cafe?" He asked. "I've been away too long."

"Well, let me reintroduce you, come on I'm starving." She said, taking his hand pulling him out the door. She recalled that they held hands the entire time, and her heart felt larger than it should have. Luckily they did get a corner table. It wasn't the nicest table but they didn't care. They laughed and reconfirmed that the spark they felt two nights go wasn't a fluke. Finch had also found a seat in the far corner of the small garden café to be able to watch them both. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty for trying to end what seemed like a very happy moment in Will's life. He hadn't seen the boy this buoyant since he was a child but the dangers that lurked around him just scared Finch too much to dismiss.

Finally, Nadia decided it was time and looked at him seriously. "Will, I'm having fun but I think I need to tell you something before this goes any further_, if_ it goes further...God..." She stumbled on her words and looked down at her mug.

Will took her hand and smiled at her. "I do want this to go further."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Well...there are things I've done in the past, recent past really, that I'm not proud of but I think I need to tell you about it. I'm generally an honest person and I wouldn't want to start something with a lie."

He laughed. "What could be so bad?"

"I…I used to be an escort."

He looked stunned, the smile he generally wore fading a bit. She looked at him and saw all the negative things that people associated with the word 'escort' and realized that at the end of that look would be disgust; the same look she often gave herself after a long look in the mirror. She slowly stood from her chair. He wasn't even watching her for a few seconds as she stood. "I'm really sorry, this was fun and…I wish you all the best." With that she walked away. She realized it was probably over-dramatic and she should've tried explaining herself and she should have tried harder because she knew she liked him. Even after just forty eight hours she really liked him but honesty was the best policy and how could she be with someone who thought she was disgusting?

Finch watched from where he stood as Nadia waited until she got into the cab before she cried, before she let it all out. He felt sorry for her but he also felt relieved that she had told Will about her past. Knowing she was heading home, he hailed his own cab back to the library. John was working another number, a middle age man whose nephew decided to get rid of him for his life insurance.

Nadia hadn't left her apartment after getting back from brunch with Will. She had cried for a while then she took a breath and opened up her textbooks and sat in front of open notes and books. She cried again, had very little to eat and then fell asleep on her couch. It was about seven when she woke up, called in sick for work and opened her books once again. Finch had to applaud her dedication and focus. He remembered his own youth spent in front of the computer learning all he could from the magnificent device. He also expected that she must have read the same pages at least a hundred times and none of the information that she had read would have stuck. What he didn't expect was for Will to show up at her place at about nine.

Nadia opened her door still in her sweats and tee shirt that she wore the night before, hair tied in a tangled mess on top of her head. There stood Will looking rough as if he hadn't slept much. "Will?" He didn't say anything as he stepped up to her. His hand came up and slid behind her neck pulling her to him and he kissed her hard. Her hands on his chest balling to fists into his shirt as the kiss became more heated. The way his tongue touched her made her shiver, but she finally pulled away and looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"I don't care." He simply said.

She gave a small smile and nodded before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again. He pushed her door closed. His hands on her waist making their way up her shirt as she ran her fingers down from his neck down to his chest before pushing at his jacket.

Clothes were quickly discarded all down her hallway from the living room. Finch decided at that moment to turn the screen off. He couldn't watch something like that and especially with Will being the star - he wasn't a creep. He sighed and touched his glasses. He had hoped that Nadia's past would deter Will from wanting to see her again but he should have known. He wasn't particularly stable in mind. He didn't judge the girl he just didn't want Will to get hurt. He realized now that if he wasn't careful he would expose more than he wanted to- to both John and Will.

Carter followed Donnelly into the room he was working from. He told her that she was okay to see this because of her security clearance from when she was in the Army. She could feel her palms sweating and her heart racing but she knew how to appear calm and in control. When he told her that Snow was the clean-up man, she already knew. She also knew how he used her to almost kill John. She knew that he would be back at some point to hunt John down and would figure out that she was involved and that he'd do anything to get to John. Her mind wondered to Taylor and what a careless mother she was being by getting involved in all this. But when Donnelly started to talk about John being a mercenary and possibly working for Elias her anger reached a whole new level. Suddenly a lot about John didn't add up in her mind and his involvement with Elias didn't make sense and that small ounce of doubt had been planted in her. She told Donnelly that she'd help with whatever she could which was a lie of course because she could have given him John right then on a platter. She didn't though because she needed answers of her own she reasoned but she knew it was because she thought she knew John and the kind of man he was…but the doubt was growing fast within her.

A week passed quickly and she still ignored John's phone calls; she just couldn't talk to him yet. She wasn't ready to deal with all that was being thrown at her and she wasn't ready to make the decision about whether or not Elias was worth losing her son for. The world suddenly felt like it was bearing down on her shoulders.

It was on a Thursday afternoon Carter looked up from her paper work when she felt the atmosphere change around her, being one of the few women around she could sense it. Nadia was outside in the hall asking for her, Carter assumed and she had a lot of help. When her eyes finally met Carter's, who smiled and waved her in, she was surprised to see the huge wicker basket the she was carrying.

"Girl what you got there?"

Nadia smiled. "Well, I promised you desserts, so I bought you and your colleagues some desserts." Placing the giant basket down in front of Carter she saw that it was filled with wrapped cookies, cupcakes, and muffins. Carter was speechless for a second just looking at her like she was crazy. Her eyes adjusted when she saw Will coming up behind Nadia.

"I said I liked desserts but you didn't have to bake for a whole village!" She said laughing.

Will put his hand on her waist and smiled down at Nadia. "You should have seen the kitchen this morning. Hi I'm Will Ingram." He held out his hand.

"Detective Carter. Nice to meet you." She said with a smile shaking his hand.

Nadia smiled and slapped his arm playfully. "It wasn't that bad."

Carter's eyes softened at the two, they were a nice couple. She just hoped no one got hurt, she was snapped from her thoughts when Fusco walked over looking into the basket. "Hey Carter what you got there?"

Nadia looked at him and smiled quickly grabbing a muffin and shoving it in his hand. "Here have a muffin."

Fuso laughed. "Okay, thanks." He knew the kid to be Will Ingram. He'd known him from when he was following Finch and was curious to see him here at Carter's desk. Sometimes he just didn't understand the angle from which John and Finch worked. He quickly unwrapped the muffin and took a bite. "Mmm. This has to be the best damn muffin I've ever had. What's in it?"

"It's crystalized ginger and peach muffin." Said Nadia proudly.

Fusco laughed. "Sounds fancy…but it tastes great! I'm Detective Fusco by the way, Carter's partner."

"Nadia Ali." She said taking his hand.

"Will Ingram." Will introduced himself to Fusco as well.

"You got a good lady there if she can bake like this. You better hold on to her." He joked grabbing another muffin from the basket.

Nadia beamed and finally looked at Carter. "Do you have time to have a coffee?"

Carter smiled as her colleagues gathered around picking things from the basket of goodies. "I'm gonna have to, with everyone swarming around my desk."

"Great, it's been a while since we've talked." She said with a soft smile.

Carter's eyes softened as well. "Let me just grab my stuff."

"I'm going to have to take a rain check on coffee, I have a meeting with a realtor." said Will. "I'll see you later tonight?"

Nadia nodded and kissed him good-bye. He waved to Carter.

"He seems like a nice boy."

"He's great." Nadia said with a blush.

Carter laughed. "You got it bad don't you?"

Nadia laughed. "I do. He makes me feel so many things but I'm happy."

Carter realized that she was actually a little envious of a romance like that. She hadn't felt that way since her late husband James had been alive. She wanted a simple relationship, a man who would understand her, a man she could curl up next to after a long day. The problem was the man she wanted wasn't simple.

They ended up at a diner nearby. Nadia told her about Will and couldn't stop smiling the whole time. Carter smiled at the girl, it had been a long time since she'd met a friend for coffee. It had been a long time since she'd done anything normal or relaxing and this particular case with Nadia was opening up a lot of things that she had previously ignored. She was lonely.

"How is John, I haven't really seen him this week." Nadia asked.

"I don't know I haven't seen him either." Said Carter taking a sip of her cup.

"Oh, is he alright?" The concern evident in Nadia's voice.

Carter chuckled. "I'm sure he's fine, that man's hard to kill."

"You worry about him, don't you." asked Nadia.

Carter looked up surprised. "What you mean?"

Nadia shrugged, "I see it, you worry about what he does."

"Well yeah, cause he's breaking the law."

"No, it's more than that…you worry about _him_. You should tell him that, so he knows he's not alone." Nadia said with a smile. "Everyone needs to know that they're not alone, everyone needs someone."

Carter looked amused for a moment, everyone needed to know that they're not alone. When she felt the loneliest John was there for her, made sure she knew that he was there. He'd been there almost every time since and she'd returned the favor. "I guess they do."

"You should tell him how you feel. " Nadia said with a smile. "I have a feeling that he might feel the same."

"Girl you got this whole thing wrong. "Laughed Carter. She felt too exposed, were her feelings really that obvious?

Nadia laughed with her. "You can deny it all you want but think of how short life really is, how you can lose anything at any moment. Isn't it better to just let go and live? And before you say it's complicated, you should realize just how complicated you really make it in your head."

Carter smiled. "Alright, I guess I'll just have to go along with you."

Nadia shrugged. "No time like the present to make a change, to reach out and grab the things that you want." She pulled out her wallet and put down a ten. "It's my treat this time Detective. I've gotta run though, I have class in an hour."

Carter nodded. "Thanks for the coffee and all the sugar you left in my office. If I'm lucky there will be something left when I get back."

Nadia smiled pulling a box out of her bag. "Here, these are cheese cake bars with chocolate coating. I know you have a son and I haven't met any teenager that didn't love cheesecake yet."

"You're crazy, you know that right?" Carter laughed, feeling better than she had in a week. "Thank you."

"Anything to sweeten someone's day." She said as she stood to leave looking down at Carter. "You really should check in on John and let me know how he is. I've grown fond of my constant shadow."

"Yeah, he has that effect on people." Mumbled Carter but unable to hide the smile from creeping up.

Nadia laughed and said her good-byes, leaving Carter to wonder when the girl had wormed her way into her life. When she had the time to observe her or John, she could have wondered about her concern for John but she now realized that Nadia was one of those people that embraced people and felt close to them almost instantly. Besides, she was way too much into Will for her to even think that there was anything happening with her and John. John. The name that never left her mind, the man that popped up in every aspect of her life. She needed to warn him, she needed to have his back but she also needed to get answers.

* * *

><p>He hadn't been expecting her to come to his apartment. He also hadn't expected her to talk to him for a few weeks after what happened, because that's how they operated. She needed time to cool off and he needed time to observe from a distance, maybe call her a few times to figure out how pissed off she really was at him.<p>

She looked unsure about her decision in coming here, it was written on her face. She was a confident woman almost all the time so he could usually tell when something was making her uncomfortable. "Detective."

"John," She said curtly as she walked in. He couldn't help the smile as she moved past him. She didn't feel she needed an invitation they were, after all, each other's shadow.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked, closing the door and following after her.

She turned her 'this is all business' face on and along with it the attitude out came to play. "The feds paid me a visit."

His interest perked as he waited for her to continue but he could tell that she wanted him to ask her for more information. "What did they want?"

"You."

He could hear the worry in her voice no matter how much she tried to hide it. He was flattered that she came all the way here to tell him that yet another government agency was chasing him. This was how the country that he gave up everything to supposedly save showed their gratitude to him. When he didn't say anything she continued, arms crossed over her chest. "They think you're working with Elias."

"Of course they do." He stated simply as he moved from where he was leaning against the door frame and moved into the kitchen. She followed after him with annoyance written across her face. "Can I get you something to drink detective?"

Carter leaned against the counter and watched him. "I'm fine and this is serious John, they're gonna go back and look at any old case involving you. This is getting dangerous. They're determined to use you to show up the CIA."

"Scapegoat, I've played that role before." He was worried but not for himself, more for her and Finch. He didn't want anything to happen to them but he couldn't show her that he was worried or that he had half anticipated this. "You know that I'm not working for Elias."

"Do I?"

He stopped then and looked at her, his eyes surprised at her coldness…her accusation. "Don't you?"

"How do I know I can trust you?" She asked, the look in her eyes telling him that somewhere deep down she really did doubt him.

He clenched his jaw and dug deeper into the pockets of his pants. He didn't know what to say. Her questioning his loyalty, her mistrust was more hurtful than getting shot in the gut. "I guess you don't but I would think my actions so far have proven otherwise."

She was chewing the inside of her cheek. She knew she had insulted him as soon as the words fell from her lips. She watched as his eyes changed from open to hurt to dark; he didn't realize how expressive he could be with his eyes, and she wondered if he was like that with everyone or if she was one of the few people that he was open with. She knew that he'd done a lot to prove to her that he was trustworthy but then he also went to Elias. She knew so little about him that all of these things caused her to wonder if she was the fool. "I don't know anything about you John, and you went to Elias..."

He watched her head drop, she looked defeated as if she was battling herself. He stepped closer and her eyes trailed up his feet, to his legs, to his chest and then finally to his eyes. He felt like a giant to her but that softness in his eyes was back.

"I panicked with Leila, I just wanted to make sure I got her back safely. I called him because he still owed me from when I mistakenly saved' Charlie Burton's' life."

She knew several things at this point: that Elias had been pretending to be Charlie Burton, that John was there on the day everything went down when Burton became Elias to the authorities, and that he had saved her life from Elias. She knew that Finch was John's employer and that John didn't care for money. She knew these things, yet she didn't know what was eating at her. He took another step closer, leaving their clothes almost brushing.

"You know me better than I know myself. I feel like I'm needed… more now than I've ever felt." He said softly. "I was a monster Joss but then I didn't question the orders given. I didn't ask why I was chosen to walk in the shadows, why I couldn't have a normal life. I thought I was keeping my country safe, I thought I was keeping those I once loved- safe."

His words brushed her cheek. She felt her throat go dry, her heart thumped loudly in her ears, and suddenly she didn't feel that pressure within her anymore as she looked into his eyes. She saw sincerity and she saw that he was as lost as she felt.

"John..."

That's all it took. His lips lowered to meet hers while one hand found its way behind her neck and the other wrapped around her waist. Her fingers fisted around his shirt as he pressed her lower back against the counter. The contact left her breathless and full all at once, it was the kind of kiss that sparked arousal in seconds and made something in her chest flutter. It was the kind of kiss that you hope you have at least once in your life, the kind that leaves you weak in the knees and feeling like you've been reborn. It wasn't chaste, no, it was a flood of emotions and passion, and anger and need. She felt him and he felt her. Their tongues danced in the most rhythmic dance she'd ever taken part in. It was in that moment she knew that she had fallen for the man named John Reese and whether or not that was his real name, she didn't care because that was who he was to her. At that moment, John Reese was born and imprinted forever within her.

TBC

Please Review!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Wow! So much has happened on POI! I'm really looking forward to season 2! I have to apologize for the very long wait on this chapter, just been really busy and I just got caught up in everything to actually finish this chapter off, this is relatively short compared to what I had in mind, but I promise the next chapter will be longer and fuller. Unfortunately I think this is the schedule I'll be on from now on, where I can post a chapter every two weeks or a month, as I'll be traveling over to France for a bit. So please bear with me and keep reading and reviewing, reviews are always appreciated, and thank you to all of those who added this story to their alert, and favorite lists. A big thank you to Maddsgirl75 for your wonderful beta work!

_Can I take it to a morning  
><em>_Where the fields are painted gold  
><em>_And the trees are filled with memories  
><em>_Of the feelings never told?_

_-Bloom by Paper Kites_

Chapter 8

Everything sped up, her ears buzzed and she felt hot. John's hands were on her hips hoisting her up on the counter, he then stepped between her legs as she pulled the shirt from inside his pants. His hands pushed her blazer off of her shoulders and his fingers worked quickly to unbutton the first four buttons of her blouse. Then he was pulling away from her lips to kiss where her shoulder and neck met. It was frenzied and she was amazed at how turned on she really was. Her fingers ran through his hair before grabbing a fistful when he bit a sensitive part of her neck. She found her lips forming into a smile as he ravished her neck, and his hands were learning the curves of her sides and breasts.

It had been a long time since he had wanted a woman this badly, a long time since he'd been with a woman, and this woman had him like putty in her hands. Her skin was so soft, and it had a smell that he couldn't place; maybe it was a combination of her soap, lotion, and perfume, but it was what Carter smelled like and it had the strangest effect on him; it aroused him, and calmed him all at the same time. He heard her soft laughter and found his own lips curving into a smile as he finally pulled away from the crook of her neck and kissed her lips again. Her hand was pressed against his chest, just over his heart and he was sure that she could feel it beating fast and hard under her palm. Her hands moved ever so gently over his chest, up his neck and then up to cradle his cheeks. He felt cared for in the act, something about that made it more personal.

She kissed his jaw and down his neck, his hands tightening around her hips. She trailed her hot, wet, tongue over his Adam's Apple and he felt that electrifying jolt. He jerked her away form his neck and kissed her hard, starting the fire and intensity again. Then, he let his tongue talk in an entirely different way.

John released her lips after a long moment, her eyes remained closed for a few seconds as he rested his forehead against hers, his thumbs rubbing circles on her sides. When she finally opened them, she was dazed. They were breathless and calm all at once. She licked her bottom lip as her hands slowly dragged down his chest. They didn't say or do anything, for that moment just being where they were, was enough.

"Joss..." When he finally whispered, she looked up at him. His eyes were dancing and she felt happy that she was the cause of it, that he felt the same, but then all her fears, worries, and Taylor came rushing into her mind. She stepped away from him then, leaving John confused and uncertain.

She pushed him away from her gently and slid down off of the counter. She paced in front of him, fingers on her lips and as she tried to reason with herself, when he called her name again she looked at him, her eyes conflicted, and said one word. "Taylor."

Saying his name made it all clear to John what she was worried about. This wasn't a normal thing, they weren't going to go to dinner and slowly bring Taylor into it. It wasn't going to be simple and if he was right, she would turn away from him when Taylor out weighed the worth of whatever that minute of intimacy was between them. How could he offer her anything but darkness and secrets? How could she want to open her life to him? He sighed and scrubbed his chin and leaned against the counter to watch her. When had this woman got under his skin? When did she come to mean more than anything to him? When had she made him want more again?

Carter looked at him, she could see that he understood, but she couldn't make herself understand. She felt guilty as a mother but as a woman, she wasn't sorry, she wanted him. She wanted this to go all the way but she didn't know if she was ready to put her son through what it meant to be involved with John. But she wanted him, with all of her heart she wanted him. She slowly walked over to him, her hands were shaking as she reached out to him, placing a hand on his cheek. They had played so many roles already, why not that of lovers?

John turned his faced into her hand, taking a hold of her wrist and kissing her palm. He was so gentle, she was continuously amazed at how gentle he was. This wasn't the man that Agent Donnelly was talking about, or the man that Snow supposedly knew, or the man she'd seen countless times kicking a guy's ass without breaking a sweat. No, this was what she assumed the _real_ John was like. She closed her eyes from the heat that his kiss had left on her palm. "John. I don't know how to do this."

He smiled then, "I'm a little rusty too."

She couldn't help the laugh that bounced out of her then, she shook her head. "This is so crazy."

"It is, but I want it Joss." He said, pulling her closer to him. "But only if you want it."

She let him pull her to him, let him hold her and as she buried her head against his chest, she could feel his heart beating, smell him, feel his strength. "I want it." She whispered.

"But you feel guilty don't you, like you're being a bad mother and betraying Taylor's father some how?" He asked, as his fingers absently brushed over random parts of her body.

She clutched his shirt tighter, it was amazing how well he could read her. She thought she was good at reading people but she was no match for him. He knew so much about her but she still didn't know anything about him. If she were to be selfish this once, then she'd have to know him. "Tell me something I don't know about you. Something about John."

He sighed. "Not much to tell."

"Please."

He knew she needed something to rationalize this, but he didn't know what was worth sharing. He had forgotten most of who he was before the CIA, all that remained was Jessica. "I loved a woman named Jessica once, before I was recruited by the CIA. I thought I could have a life with her." He shrugged. "I wanna be normal Joss, more than anything I want something that's just pure and is what it is."

She did feel a spark of jealousy at the mention of another woman who held his heart at one point but she realized that all he wanted was to be boring, that this whole running around, hunting down bad guys, was something he did because he couldn't hurt anyone. "She meant a lot to you."

"I haven't felt that way about anyone else...until now." He said simply.

She pulled back and looked at him, "what _do_ you feel?" She opted to leave the woman from the past in the past - for now, she rationalized that at some point she and John would reach a point where there would be no secrets between them; whether they were involved or not, it was sort of inevitable.

He smiled, "it's not just attraction for me Joss. I want all of it."

What did _all_ mean? She wondered but she also knew in a sense what he meant. They weren't going to declare 'I love you' and run away into the sunset together. He came with major, dangerous baggage, and so did she. She didn't consider Taylor as baggage but he was the most important thing to her and she didn't know much that rivaled her instinct to protect her son, until now. "That didn't really answer the question but it's okay."

He brushed some hair back from her eyes, "I know it's not going to be easy if we decided to take this further."

She laughed, "Actually, I think that's the easy part, it's the after part that's hard."

He laughed then too. She bit her lip. She had forgotten what it was like to feel this way, to feel your heart doing funny things when you saw someone you cared about, smile or laugh. She just hadn't imagined that it would be John Reese doing these things to her insides. "We need time to figure things out John."

"I know." He said, as he kissed the top of her head softly.

She pulled away from him and smiled. "Maybe we could be normal, or at least what's normal for us."

"What did you have in mind detective?" He asked with that huskiness back in his voice.

Sex was the easy part, they were adults, they could deal with that, it was everything else was hard but they were also capable of many, almost far-fetched things, so trying to have a relationship wasn't off the table just yet. She laughed and smacked his arm softly. "Practical things first. I never took you to be so eager."

He shrugged, "What can I say, you have an unusual effect on me."

She had to laugh then. They hadn't finished what they had started but there was a promise of more and for the moment, it was enough. She left him with scorching kisses, and he felt his heart beat the way it had the first time he'd jumped from a fighter plane. He couldn't keep the smirk from his lips as he watched her walk towards her car from his window. No, they were far from done. This was only the beginning, and this time nothing would keep him for making sure that she stays his.

* * *

><p>Nadia walked into the restaurant with a smile. He smiled back at her; she was always smiling, something she'd done even back when she was just a young girl with the world on her shoulders. He stood when she neared the table and embraced her, closing his eyes to take in her scent. "Hey." She said against his shoulder.<p>

"How are you?" He asked, as they pulled apart and she sat down in the booth with him.

She unfolded the napkin, placed in her lap and smiled fully, "I'm great."

Elias pushed his glasses further up on his nose and smiled. "You sound very sure of that. Usually when I ask you how you are, I get something between the truth and sarcasm."

"Come on, I'm not that bad." She laughed. "But I am absolutely great. For once, I can say that I'm...happy."

He smiled. "Really? What changed? The last time you were _this_ lively was when you returned from your travels."

Nadia grinned. "How are you? How is business going?"

Elias shrugged. "You know, set backs are expected in any business. I have patience though."

She looked at him, after everything that had happened. Suddenly she saw the lines around his eyes, saw the darkness that lurked behind them and took note of his vagueness. She wondered if he'd always been this vague or if she had just been too self-involved to notice. She nodded in understanding.

"Patience is a virtue."

"That it is, the right timing is everything. The key to the kingdom, as they say."

"And what kingdom are you trying to gain access to?"

"What makes you think I haven't already gained access?"

His reply grounded her. It suddenly occurred to her that she truly hadn't been listening to him. What she heard brought a fear to light that she didn't realize she had been ignoring since John had first started to ask questions. She wondered what he would say if she told him now, what she had been doing up until a a couple of months ago. Would he be furious, or would she get that cold, calm, front with raging storms behind his eyes? He was different from the last time she saw him, but she shook her thoughts away when he asked her a question. "What?"

He smiled. "Tell me why you're so happy."

"I met someone." She looked into his eyes and saw the storm rise, but on the outside he smiled. She suddenly felt uneasy.

"Oh?" Taking a sip of his wine, he continued. "Well, who is he?"

"His name is Will Ingram, and he's the kindest, sweetest, man that I've ever met. He's a good man." She said, losing herself in the memory of the man she had just parted with a few hours ago. Her lips twitched upwards as she remembered his kisses, burning her skin as she tried to get away from him and get ready for the day, and the way he pulled her back into bed and kissed her gently, with care... yet there was passion and fire there too. Her skin absolutely glowed with it.

"You met monks on the mountains of Katmandu, those men devoted themselves to being good." He said.

Nadia frowned, "You know what I mean. He actually cares about people, he wants to help people... Selflessly."

"Selflessly?" The word dripped from his lips, almost like venom.

She felt that coldness wash over her and wondered when her happy news had turned into something she had to defend. "Yes, he's kind, different from anyone I've ever met."

Those words triggered a look from him that looked like an accusation of betrayal on her part. But then he smiled again, "How did you meet?"

"At the coffee shop where I work, he came in lost one day." Again, she lost herself in the memory of their first meeting.

"How serendipitous."

"I can hear the sarcasm in your voice." She rolled her eyes. "Charlie, I've never felt this way before."

"You're young, you'll feel it again, and again." He said dismissively.

She didn't even know when their food had arrived or when her favorite wine had been poured into her glass. She hadn't ordered, he had ordered for her; it was tradition, it was routine. She understood then, that he was taking offense to her having someone other than him to confide in.

John had watched her go into the restaurant, he'd listened with bated breath, and this was the moment he had been expecting; her realization of what she meant to Elias would be the catalyst to everything. He expected her to ask him directly but to his surprise, she did not. Instead, she replied in a tone as cold as his.

"I'm happy, Charlie and I thought you'd be happy for me, but that's okay."

Elias sighed, putting his fork down and wiping his mouth, "I just want you to be careful. No matter how knowing and worldly you think you are, you are still young and prone to making mistakes. That is what youth is Nadia, and sometimes those mistakes hurt, but being prepared for them is what makes the difference between falling apart and still standing."

Her hands dropped to her lap and she looked down at her plate of food. This was familiar, they'd been friends for a while now and she had always counted on this friendship. It was what got her through it all but now she was starting to see that this friendship had its bounds. She almost laughed at the irony; Charlie was the one who had helped her break out of the conventions of her traditional arranged marriage, yet here he was imposing those traditions on their friendship. It stung because she hadn't realized until then, that what she'd wanted for so long was someone to want her regardless of all her faults, someone who could love her despite everything. "So you're dooming this to fail even before it's had a chance to go anywhere."

"I'm not dooming it." He continue to eat. After chewing a few bites he simply replied. "I'm warning you. I'm preparing you for greatness."

She hadn't didn't look at him. While she had listened to him, her hands had clenched into fists. She unclenched them and stood slowly. "Thank you for your warning." With that, she stood, grabbed her bag, and walked out.

She didn't see the way his jaw clenched, or the way his eyes clouded over like a wild tempest that would threaten anything in it's way. But John did, he felt the man's anger, saw his feelings of neglect that shone in his eyes, and suddenly he felt scared for Nadia. But just as fast as those emotions flashed across Elias's face, they disappeared. This left John suddenly realizing the extent of love that the man felt for this girl. He was at the edge of a cliff, but he was still holding on; he was hoping for her to save him. John however, knew that Nadia was going to be the one to push him over, because he already knew what she and Elias didn't know. She was in love with Will Ingram.

TBC

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